Step 12 & 4/8ths
Humor is a big part of my recovery. As the AA Big Book says, “We absolutely insist on enjoying life” (AA pg. 132). I have created a Step 12 & 4/8ths: take the actions of humor (or Rule 62) seriously:
My Childhood Best Friend
I have a best friend. I’ll call him Lester. I met Lester when I was about 3 years old and we became close very quickly. Since then, we have almost always been together. Lester loves me more than a brother could, and he worries about me constantly. He cannot bear to see me in pain. If I’m sad, he immediately tries to cheer me up. If I am in conflict, he always takes my side.
My Halloween
I was nervous, well no, anxious, afraid. I couldn’t pinpoint why, but it seemed to have something to do with the fact that it was Halloween night.
High Cost of Fear
Although I am not married, I have lived as if I were—not to any living breathing human being but to FEAR. Just as my addictions seemed to help me to cope with the dysfunctional world in which I grew up, Fear seemed to help me to manage and control my addictions.
Isolation & Spiritual Progress
One of the hallmarks of my sexaholism is isolation. I consider isolation more than just shyness or introversion or not liking to be around people.
Holidays Then and Now
Sexaholism drove my view of holidays in the past. I hated them; they always took the focus away from my misery. When I couldn’t have my misery, I surely gave it away freely. Everyone around me was irritable, restless and discontent!
Does It Get Easier?
Someone asked me if it gets any easier as time passes. I have to think about what that question really means to me. I have to think about what it is I’m actually measuring and comparing between my past and my present.
Sleep Issues
For the last five years, by the grace of God, I have not lusted when fully awake. When a triggering sexual image pops up, my eyes seem to automatically look away. I do not take that deadly first drink. Instead, I say a prayer. “I surrender my right to be comfortable! Please bless me so I can be helpful to other sexaholics.” Then I make a phone call.
A Love Cripple Taking a Shower
Last week I was sitting at home, tired after doing some work on the house, looking forward to a nice warm shower. Suddenly my wife said to me: “Hey, why don’t you take a shower?” At the tone of her suggestion, I started getting angry for her giving me unsolicited advice. Who is she to tell me what I should do? She is trying to control me!
Struggling is Optional
My experience prior to SA recovery had been that struggle was necessary. The only defense against lust was to exert as much energy as I could muster to fight and struggle against it. Lust proved to always be more powerful than me, and thus I always lost the fight. I am powerless over lust (Step One), plain and simple.
