I recently heard a member share in a meeting that he thought SA is not a friendly place for singles because our Sobriety Definition does not allow them to have sex. He questioned how he could be expected to stay abstinent for the rest of his life with that definition. When I heard this I laughed; maybe because I’ve had the same thought at times.
Two years ago, I was halfway through graduate school and living in Nashville. I thought I was doing pretty well for myself—until I sat down with my girlfriend in a student counseling session and explained my acting-out behaviors.
My story is similar to many I’ve heard—riddled with pornography, masturbation, and a multitude of sexual encounters. For most of my life, I didn’t even think that the things I was doing were wrong. Only when I wanted to stop and could not did I start the downward spiral into despair that brought me through the doors of SA.
Dear SA Fellowship, As I celebrate three years of sobriety, I want to thank the SA fellowship for being such a large part of my life. The years I spent running around like a fool in your rooms were the best of my life. I greatly miss our regular fellowship, but I am so very grateful to still be connected with you in the way that I am.
I’m bored. That’s a dangerous place for me to be, because one of my stronger lust triggers is boredom. I’m locked in my cell, waiting to be called to an appointment. I walk back and forth—window, door, window, door—with the occasional stop at the cupboard to see if I’ve overlooked some food item. Food can be a medication to relieve my boredom, just as lust can.
On the outside, my early life looked like an episode from a Fifties sitcom. I was the third of six kids. My mom stayed at home, organized the family chores, baked bread every week, and had a hot dinner on the table every night when my dad came home. My dad worked all day, came home at six, and was home every weekend. He helped us fix our bikes and do our homework.
Many AA groups have a “Grapevine Rep” (GvR). The AA Service Manual describes that servant’s role as follows: “The GvR’s job is to make sure that members are aware of the Fellowship’s international journal and the enhancements to sobriety it offers… It is anticipated that each AA group would have a GvR and at least one subscription to the magazine” (AA Service Manual, Rev. 1991, S85).
At times I travel far away from my home group. Over the years, I have discovered tools that help me to travel in a sane and sober way. From these tools, I have developed a list of “Twelve Tips for Travel,” which I share with my sponsees whenever one of them is about to leave on a trip.
I recently started a new Skype online White Book Study, on Thursday nights Australian time, for those who are looking for a meeting in that time frame. These meeting last for one hour, and members have the opportunity to share on the reading and participate in general sharing if the time permits.
Because of SA, I have opportunities to work with sexaholics from all over the world. I (a Russian who lives in Chicago) am sponsoring Roberto (Mexican), who in turn is sponsoring an Orthodox Jew. Both of those men live in Chicago. I also have a couple of long-distance sponsees; one lives in Israel and the other lives in Russia.
