I never fell into a rabbit hole, but I fell hard into the Internet. There, I found a strange world where forbidden things were freely available—even celebrated. At first, I enjoyed this secret place where there was no right or wrong.
The SA message first reached Ireland in 1993 when, for a brief period, there was a lone group in Dublin, our capital. Those meetings were short-lived but the seed had been sown. Meetings started up again in 1995.
Recently I was preparing to go away on a wonderful trip to Italy: first a week by the sea on my own, and then a week in the Roman hills with friends to attend an art workshop. This was to be a dream holiday, but I was feeling overwhelmed with fear: fear of my own intentions, fear of acting out, and mostly fear of having to feel my emotions with no other people to buffer them or fill the void.
My sexual history involves a long list of adulterous affairs, pornography, strip clubs, videos, and acting out—but those things were never really my problems; they were the results of my not facing my problems. My problems included loneliness, fear, insecurity, frustration at my inability to get my own way and my inability to deal with the hurts in my life, and all of the rejections (real or imagined) that I suffered.
When I was around ten years old, I was introduced to pornography by my next-door neighbor. We were the same age, and he would bring magazines over to my house. I will never forget the first time I saw pornography; I was immediately hooked.
Following are highlights of some recent CFC activities. The Mid-Atlantic Region (MAR) hosted the CFC at their “Change of Heart” regional conference this past April. MAR is the first SA region to create a regional-level CFC in response to recent events occurring in the Pennsylvania prison system.
Dear Fellow SA Members: I’m looking forward to the “Recovery on the River” Convention in July in Portland. My prayer is that many of you are too! What a wonderful spiritual experience it will be! We might even experience miracles in our lives while attending.
I am an SA woman who has been sober for four years. If you had met me five years ago, you would have found a confused, greedy, and very sick person. Today, thanks to my Higher Power, sponsor, and my SA groups, I am able to see my life and world in a sane way.
To the women I objectified and used, How can I make an amends to you? I don’t know you. I can’t track you down; it would be wrong for me to even try. So I am writing this letter, and I will put the rest into God’s hands.
My addiction caused me to lose my business, my reputation, and my home. While addiction devastated me, it was inevitable that my family would suffer. Toward the bitter end, everything had gone so far down that I doubted I could ever make things right again.
