When I hit bottom somewhere around end of 1985, my marriage was over and my family was shattered. I was shamed, angry, resentful, and filled with desire for justice and revenge against all the others I was blaming for my situation. I was also aware that no solution was available to me.
At SAICO, we often ask, “How are things? How is the meeting? What is your group doing?” At times, the news is good. What a great day when we hear of a new group starting or another meeting forming! Sometimes the news is not so good. We don’t like to report about meetings closing, but it is a fact of life. Some meetings struggle and do not make it. Good news is to hear that the members make it, even if the meetings fail.
ESSAY does a wonderful job in providing so much information in such a small packet.
The following is an exercise that I have found helpful for getting a sponsee started on working Step One:
O God, I ask Your help Divine Whenever I must go online. I tell myself that I love art, Their sculpted forms; my heavy heart.
7 ½ Step Prayer My Creator, I am now willing that you should have some of me, as I see fit.
Being rigorously honest has meant that I am truthful to myself about what I am thinking and feeling. I have a large capacity for self-deception. For instance, I was a very angry person but did not realize it. I had fears that controlled many of my actions. But if anyone had asked me if I was fearful, I would have said “no,” believing that to be an honest answer.
In early recovery, sexual dreams were a new and scary experience. Prior to sobriety, I had only experienced one “wet dream.” It occurred early in what turned out to be eleven and half years of celibacy. The only SA program literature available at the time seemed to indicate that these dreams were a loss of sobriety, so I re-set my sobriety date each time one occurred.
When it comes to recovery, I have a learning disability. If I don’t hear program truths coming out of my own mouth and the mouths of others, I tend to forget what I’ve already learned.
My thinking is often confused when I get a lust hit. My fantasy goes on overdrive and I imagine several scenarios that seem very real and possible. Much of this is triggered and supported by emotions that make the fantasies appear reasonable: “Of course she wants me to stop my car, go over and hug her!”
