Hi, my name is Mike, and I’m a recovering sexaholic. And I’m grateful to be here sober tonight through God’s grace, and all of you people. A couple of years ago we had Thanksgiving dinner at my house for the first time. My whole family came. I figured I should say something before we all ate, but I knew there were lots of things going on in the family, so I didn’t know quite what to say.
I’m Harvey, a sexaholic. You know, talking about spirituality as a separate topic here makes me think a great deal about how to talk about spirituality as a separate topic, because all weekend we’ve been talking about spirituality. I was told many years ago, there is no spiritual part of this program, it IS a spiritual program. So in thinking about talking about spirituality, I thought I would share with you some things that have happened recently that to me are the essence of spirituality.
Hello. I’m Harvey A., a sexaholic. I thought of all kinds of openings, but the one I want to say is how much I love my wife. She’s been having to bathe me, she’s been having to drive me, she had to put my socks on. This is a woman who … no woman should have to go through what she went through from my disease.
The Politically Correct Policeman (PCP), loosely defined, is a fellowship junky who considers it his job to flag anything in the literature or at meetings that might embarrass newcomers, minorities, or women. The idea is that no one gets offended. Currently I’m in my 10th year of recovery from Politically Correct Policeman-ship in 12-Step fellowships.
“Some will be willing to term themselves ‘problem drinkers,’ but cannot endure the suggestion that they are in fact mentally ill. They are abetted in this blindness by a world which does not understand the difference between sane drinking and alcoholism.” (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 33.) I believe these words apply more to me, the sexaholic, than to me, the alcoholic. I first heard these words in AA—I realized I was an alcoholic before I knew I was a sexaholic—but in sobriety I found it difficult to believe I was mentally ill.
Looked at from the outside, nothing appears weirder than SA. When I first heard of it, I laughed out loud. When I heard they were against masturbation and sex before marriage, I just felt sorry for them. (Much like the way I felt at the references to God in the AA Big Book three years earlier.)
The following thoughts came to me recently when I had to observe how newly elected members left the Service Committee after a short period of time because they could not maintain their sobriety. Four members of the old Service Committee did not stand for reelection at this present term of office. The Fellowship elected five new SA friends to take their place. Out of these new Service Committee members, four lost their sobriety and all of them left the Service Committee before the term was over.
…We are still having some difficulty, however, with members who accepted the bottom line sobriety definition but continue acting out in other ways. This is particularly so with voyeuristic aspects of their disease as well as concerning relationship preoccupations.
This past August, by the Grace of God, I celebrated my third “birthday” in this life-saving God-inspired program. Ceaseless are the gifts that befall me in recovery. The gifts come in the form of growth (sometimes painful) by learning more about who I am and acceptance of me, defects and all. I made a list of people I thought I had harmed while doing the first four steps and it was quite impressive.
