When I used to nourish lust thoughts, there was something going on inside me we might call spiritual fornication. Within my spirit I was shutting God out in rebellion, perverting the reality of the lust object to suit my sick need (splitting myself to create and then imagine that inner partner), and then having sex with her, which was really having sex with myself.
I recently attended the 2013 international convention in Baltimore, and before the experience fades, I would like to take the action of expressing my gratitude in words to God and the fellowship.
In May 2002, I was separated from my wife of 17 years because of my addiction to pornography. We had two children: a 13-year-old daughter and a 15-year-old son. A professional counselor told them about my addiction.
When I was sober just over three months, a younger man asked me to sponsor him. He was shy and new to SA and I didn’t want to say no, so I said that I would be his temporary sponsor. When I called my sponsor to tell him what happened, he seemed skeptical and emphasized that I should definitely think of this as only temporary, since I myself was new to sobriety and Step work.
The first time I was confronted with a naked picture of a man and woman, it was in an educational book my mother gave me when I was in second grade. Despite experiencing the familiar rush of the forbidden and climbing on my roof with my friend to look at the pictures, I felt uncomfortable with the images.
Dear SA Fellowship: Although contributions have been down for the first six months of 2013, we have experienced growth in other areas. Donations from Conventions have been outstanding—particularly for the Atlanta convention. And, although literature sales have been down (because no new literature has been offered), ESSAY subscriptions have grown.
Dear Fellow SA Members: The General Delegate Assembly met on Thursday and Friday, July 18-19, prior to the July convention. Attendees included Delegates, Alternates, Trustees, Trustee nominees, representatives from SAICO, and observers.
Last year I discovered just how generous our members can be when they see a real need. At the tender age of 50—for the first time in my life—I decided to try to raise money for a cause. As a Russian speaker, I was excited to attend the first-ever Russian-speaking SA Convention in Moscow in 2011.
My self-centered fear is invisible to me. What may be obvious to others as my ego disease often looks to me like the “real world” or the facts of my life. Add to that my irrational conviction that “what I’m feeling right now will last forever,” and it’s no wonder I go crazy with fear! Feeling hopeless, I retreat into a convenient character defect: lusting, anger, judging, or isolation.
A friend and I were working on a Step Two exercise that my sponsor taught me. My friend was answering the question, “Why don’t you choose your own conception of God?” (AA 12). The exercise is to write down new ideas about a Higher Power.
