A Fond Remembrance of Roy K.
Though I did not know Roy personally, I was deeply moved by the news of his death. I heard him speak once at an International Convention in New Jersey and I liked him: a dignified-looking older gentleman. Roy’s passing reminds me of the great gift SA has been in my life, a gift which I would not have today were it not for this man.
In January 1994, I attended my first SA convention in Rochester, NY. After the Friday evening session, I joined a small group of people standing around Roy. I’ve been fortunate on a few occasions to meet certain rare individuals who have the true gift of presence. Roy was one of them.
Roy K., the founder of our program, died peacefully last September. He had suffered from cancer. He was in his early eighties.
Dear SA Fellowship: I am writing to you on behalf of the SAUK Intergroup. At our last meeting in London, we read out loud Roy K.’s article “The Searchlight of the Spirit” from the September ’09 ESSAY. We also sadly learnt of Roy’s death.
I had been attending SA for two months when I ventured out to Nashville for the January 1990 International Convention. Seeing that sea of people in that ballroom, I was sold on the SA fellowship. But not on what it stood for.
It was 1993 and I was barely three years sober when I flew with my sponsor to my first big convention in Nashville, TN. I can remember how excited I was to meet all those wonderful long-time-sober members whose voices and stories I knew from the tapes!
I never had the opportunity to meet Roy personally, but I feel the same about him as what I’ve heard he said about all of us: that we are his family. I first encountered the White Book in 1985, when I was in a recovery group that met in a counseling center.
In July 1985, a man loaned me a copy of an earlier version of the White Book. I read it twice in two weeks. My mind was numbed by remnants of the lust drug, and I couldn’t take in a lot of it. But what I remember is the tremendous feeling of hope I felt after decades of misery and failure.
I was at the airport and I was struggling with same-sex lust. Roy was at the airport also. He said, “Let me pray with you.” I said, “I’m struggling with that guy over there.”
Dear Roy, More than 21 years ago I entered the program you founded, and I have wholeheartedly appreciated your dedication to us ever since. Our meeting was already using a sobriety definition clarification similar to that which years later was adopted in Cleveland. This definition made perfect sense to me.
