The December 1999 issue of Essay contained the first part of Roy K.’s talk in Cranford, NJ on November 6th titled “A New Look at Lust Recovery—Part One: Stages of Lust Recovery.” This is Part Two, revised to reflect what we’re learning from continuing experience with participants in the surrender.

The New Jersey Marathon on November 6th in Cranford was a special occasion in SA history. The subject of victory over lust took the spotlight as the speaker challenged the eager gathering of SAs by describing the stages of his own progressive victory over lust. He offered joyous hope to any still wondering if it is actually possible to honestly “stop drinking” or who are unhappy with their own stage of lust recovery. The talk was in two parts: first sharing the stages of his own lust recovery, and then offering a new approach as breakthrough experiment. The talk was privately taped and transcribed for the Essay. Part One, Stages of Lust Recovery, appears below. Part Two, The 1935 Akron Experience as a Program for Lust Recovery, will appear in the next issue of Essay. The speaker was Roy K., who was asked to condense and edit his talk for publication.

Following are portions of an e-mail sent to SA-Net by Dorene S., chair of the delegate assembly, regarding SA sobriety and the Tenth Tradition issues:

The Northwest Region held its biannual retreat May 23 – 25. There were 70 members of SA and S-Anon in attendance.

For the typical lust addict, our whole system screams out that we’re going to die if we don’t take that “drink.” It’s too fearful not to drink. Lust is our spiritual life-support system. Yes, the fear is that real. So, we wind up drinking. We’re hooked on it and remain a slave. It’s the fear of this kind of death that keeps us in bondage and forces us to keep slipping with lust.

(Editor’s note: Following the call for lust inventories at the recent Daytona Beach Conference, the International Central Office reports that several SA groups have called and expressed a desire to follow through on taking lust inventories, and requested guidelines on how to do it. The following guidelines, written by Roy K., are submitted by the North Hollywood SA group)

This may strike you as an unusual title for an article in the Essay. The reason is that I’m writing to invite you to consider becoming part of SA’s outreach into prisons. As you may know, the prison system often identifies inmates by a number. This didn’t mean all that much to me until I became friends with one of those numbers.

It feels so wonderful to have at last an SA meeting here in Greensboro, NC. This meeting came about as a result of our Higher Power expressing himself through the group conscience process. Four weeks ago, after much prayer, discussion and deliberation, our Wednesday night SAA group held a group conscience and voted unanimously to become an SA meeting.

[The Oklahoma City Jan. ’97 SA Convention] was my second convention in the States — the first was of another S-fellowship. What impressed me about this one was the substantial number of members with five to ten years of solid sobriety. There was a very strong emphasis on the solution rather than the problem. It was also great to see so many people from different ethnic and religious groups. It was a great reminder that this disease is no respecter of persons.

First, I’ve got to take responsibility for myself. Of the dozen or so loners in foreign countries I know of who have not been able to stay sober and where groups have not formed, there is one fact in common: They never found their Dr. Bob. That is, they never found one other sexaholic who wanted sobriety. They tried to do it on their own or have it done for them in a ready-made group. They did not come to the desperate willingness to reach out to another and try to help them.

My name is Dave and I’m a sexaholic. In discussing Working Paper #1 (“Practical Guidelines for Group Recovery”) with my group and with other sober members, I kept coming back to the most positive experience in my early sobriety, which represents for me a model of what a group should be. I would like to share it with the fellowship. I believe this was a gift directly from God to me.

When I used to nourish lust thoughts, there was something going on inside me we might call spiritual fornication. Within my spirit I was shutting God out in rebellion, perverting the reality of the lust object to suit my sick need, (splitting myself to create and then imagine that inner partner,) and then having sex with her, which was really having sex with myself. My soul is fornicating whenever it turns from God as Source of life to the substitute (Augustine).

(The following is an extract from a talk given by Roy K. at the Unity Conference in Orange, CA, on October 8, 1995.)
Thank you for bringing us together. I surrender my ego, my fear, all of my defects. I surrender my preparation for this talk and we ask together for Your Presence above all else, that you will dwell in our hearts, be with us as we share together, the exalted, that we may be your servants, helping those who are lost in the tyranny of lust.

Question: “How can SA as a fellowship work the Steps; I thought only individuals could do that?”
Response: “The idea does sound kind of new and strange, doesn’t it? But let’s see what it might look like.”

Our situation as a people coming out of sexual slavery is not unlike the story of the people coming out of bondage from Egypt. Years of enslavement brought them to utter despair, crying out to God for help. Through an amazing series of events. they were led out—often kicking and screaming in unbelief—only to find themselves wandering in the wilderness. Free at last, on the outside, they soon discovered the harsh reality that theirs was a spiritual malady inside. The severity of withdrawal brought back the craving for the old way of life.

Dying: Admit I am powerless over lust; that my sex, sexuality, orientation and relational misconnection are unmanageable.

Hi, my name is Mike, and I’m a recovering sexaholic. And I’m grateful to be here sober tonight through God’s grace, and all of you people. A couple of years ago we had Thanksgiving dinner at my house for the first time. My whole family came. I figured I should say something before we all ate, but I knew there were lots of things going on in the family, so I didn’t know quite what to say.

Hi, my name is Roy and I’m a sexaholic. None of you knew this, but all of the speakers got together and designed the perfect program, just so we could all complement each other [laughter].

I’m Harvey, a sexaholic. You know, talking about spirituality as a separate topic here makes me think a great deal about how to talk about spirituality as a separate topic, because all weekend we’ve been talking about spirituality. I was told many years ago, there is no spiritual part of this program, it IS a spiritual program. So in thinking about talking about spirituality, I thought I would share with you some things that have happened recently that to me are the essence of spirituality.

We are now setting about building a new “house” for SA, that is, a new Central Office as well as a new organizational structure. I would like to share some of my personal feelings and experience with you who are involved in this task.