In my addiction, lust took over my life. Indulging lust in some way was constantly in my mind. Every day, all day, lustful thoughts were occupying me. I was always looking for opportunities. This preoccupation was driving me crazy.
I was recently asked to write an article for the Essay on Emotional Sobriety. At first my reaction was to say “No.” I wanted to say No because I felt, deep down, that most people in SA have difficulty reaching Emotional Sobriety since they can barely reach “lust sobriety.”
A sexaholic’s life can be very difficult and stressful, especially when a full scale war is going on in my country. It’s so hard to keep sexually and emotionally sober. But it’s possible. So I created a few simple rules for myself, based on 12 step program spiritual principles.
I was blessed with the opportunity to join the SA Fellowship of the Spirit more than eight years ago. When I then joined my first meeting, my sole motive was breaking free from the prison of lust, in the shade of which I had been living since my early teenage years.
27 years ago I walked into a room full of men … what did I expect? I thought I would see people that looked dirty and secretive. Thankfully my expectations were completely wrong. I saw a room full of ordinary men just like I might see at work or out with friends.
Remembering my life in the lust world, I still feel terror and despair—the feelings which I had been living with everyday—before coming to the program. For many years, being addicted to compulsive sexual behaviors and thoughts was the biggest and worst problem in my life.
When we become sexually sober, life doesn’t stop happening. The WB comments on this: “... it is because and within these very problems that the program works! The program doesn’t work in a vacuum; it only works in the day-to-day ebb and flow of our lives. Trial, tribulation, and pain are the soil in which the steps can germinate, take root, and find fruition in our lives.” (SA 74)
I recently listened to a recording where Mike C. talked about the gift of recovery and what it looks like now. It was powerful to hear him share some of the things he had been able to do since getting sober that he would never have been able to do before. It was beautiful.
The author of “Obstacles to Emotional Sobriety” describes some of the blocks many of us have from reaching “emotional sobriety.” Here are some questions to consider.
My name is Raphael S., and I'm a grateful, recovering sexaholic. I've been sober by the grace of God and the help of all of you in this program of SA since April 7th, 2019. My homegroup is Crystal City, Virginia, USA.
