My sponsor and members from my English-speaking home group suggested to me to list the things I am grateful for in my SA sobriety. They probably couldn't bear my complaining any longer, which might be why they suggested it—in an intention to shut me up a bit.
Before coming into SA, I didn’t believe that lust was a big deal for me. I had masturbated all my life, sometimes using pornography. When my addiction was in full swing, I was acting out with other men four to six times a month. I was living what I thought was a successful double life—on one hand a successful educator, father, husband, and church leader, and on the other a committed sex addict.
I love slogans. For my addled brain with the memory of a goldfish, they are pithy, easy to remember and when I receive the willingness, actionable. There are so many that readily come to mind, such as “One Day At A Time,” “Good Orderly Direction,” “Let Go and Let God,” and “Go Easy On Yourself.”
I have a fond history with the slogans—you might say that they have saved my life. In early AA recovery, my home group was “old school,” no sharing in meetings until you had 1 year of sobriety. (We could ask questions.)
I was recently asked to write an article for the Essay on Emotional Sobriety. At first my reaction was to say “No.” I wanted to say No because I felt, deep down, that most people in SA have difficulty reaching Emotional Sobriety since they can barely reach “lust sobriety.”
A sexaholic’s life can be very difficult and stressful, especially when a full scale war is going on in my country. It’s so hard to keep sexually and emotionally sober. But it’s possible. So I created a few simple rules for myself, based on 12 step program spiritual principles.
I am Samar G. from Egypt. I am a sexaholic. My active addiction has a long history. I tried so many things in my life. My suffering started when I was young. I was abused by one of my relatives.
27 years ago I walked into a room full of men … what did I expect? I thought I would see people that looked dirty and secretive. Thankfully my expectations were completely wrong. I saw a room full of ordinary men just like I might see at work or out with friends.
Remembering my life in the lust world, I still feel terror and despair—the feelings which I had been living with everyday—before coming to the program. For many years, being addicted to compulsive sexual behaviors and thoughts was the biggest and worst problem in my life.
My name is Raphael S., and I'm a grateful, recovering sexaholic. I've been sober by the grace of God and the help of all of you in this program of SA since April 7th, 2019. My homegroup is Crystal City, Virginia, USA.
