My recovery requires me to form new habits. It takes time to develop a new habit. The accountability of a daily check-in was absolutely necessary for me to get the momentum required to make something routine. But, even this was not enough to motivate me to be consistent. I shared my struggle with another member and we had a new idea.
A paradox is a statement that apparently contradicts itself and might be true. “When we surrender our ‘freedom,’ we become truly free” (SA 81).
There is no magic involved in staying sober. It is not a do-it-once-and-get-it-over kind of job. There is daily Grace and Help from our Higher Power, the benefits of working a program in the SA Fellowship, and “one-day-at-a-time” honesty, openness and attention. I have to pay attention to what I am thinking and doing; we have no vacation from sobriety work! Here are some practices I have found helpful over the years.
I have downloaded what I call a “ringing tone” that rings every day at 12:12. It is now on my smartphone. It has been for almost a year. I may have seen that tool somewhere within an SA document. It helps me remember to be grateful that I have a program in 12 Steps and 12 Traditions. Any ringtone could do the trick.
This can be a very helpful tool to use not only for yourself but to show those you are mentoring and certainly your family members. Whenever you feel disturbed, upset, or bothered, if you are worrying about something, fretting, can’t get it out of your mind, irritated at someone, resent someone, obsessing about a topic or person or object, if there is anything taking up too much space in your brain (a dangerous neighborhood — don’t go in there by yourself!), give this tool a try.
For sexaholics one of the most difficult parts of recovery is that our program is so simple. We have the Steps suggested as a program of recovery and we are told to ask God’s protection and care with complete abandon. Our recovery goal is equally simple: we have a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps.
I am grateful today for Sexaholics Anonymous, and for one year porn free. That is a miracle! I attended my first SA meeting in June 2011, but this is the first time I have celebrated one year. God willing I will stay sober and porn free for the rest of my life.
At times I fail to recall the effort it takes for me to surrender my sexual lust on a daily basis. I pretend to think that because I have such a wonderful spiritual condition—attending Sexaholics Anonymous meetings, meeting with other SA members, etc.—that I don’t need other practical solutions. But that whole line of thinking originates in my ego.
When I first came to SA I was three years divorced from a twelve-year marriage and had two kids. I always say that I was a sexaholic before I married my ex-wife, a sexaholic while married, and still a sexaholic after divorce. I knew that something was wrong with my behavior—I just couldn’t stop, even though I did not want to continue.
Recently I received new lenses for my glasses. The current ones were scratched and insurance would replace them. After the optometrist installed the lenses, I walked back to my car in the parking garage. I found myself astounded by the new clarity of my vision! I thought I should give a quick call back to the optometrist to learn what had changed my eyesight so dramatically?
