I am a recovering sex addict from Ukraine, sober since the fall of 2015. I am completely unable to cope with lust, which manifests itself in objectification, fantasies, and an unhealthy obsession with one person or a group of people. I have lost control of my thoughts, feelings, and actions.
This year I celebrated five years of SA sobriety, one day at the time, one moment at a time, one hour at a time and so on ... This is a miracle that I have been blessed with. Could this have been possible before? No, it was not possible.
A woman in AA told me after she spoke in a meeting, quoting Chapter 5 in Alcoholics Anonymous, that “God could and would, if He were sought.” And that’s how I did it. By letting God do it. Because I couldn’t. But God could and would - and did. But I had to go to meetings to learn things like that. “Meetings, meetings, meetings, meetings, meetings ... ” That’s what they told me. “Just keep bringing the body.” (SA 158)
My name is Bill, and I am a recovered sexaholic. My sobriety date is September 4, 1993, and for that I am never sufficiently grateful. When I arrived in SA, I was hopeless and suicidally depressed from over 35 years of untreated addiction.
Thank you for your time, Art. Could we start by asking how old you were when you joined SA and the length of your sobriety? I was 44. I’m 80 now, with 35 years of sobriety. When asked how does one stay sober for 35 years, I say: “One day at a time, keep surrendering lust, and one day at a time, don’t die!” I’ve been blessed with the gift of sobriety and with longevity.
I grew up in a dysfunctional home with all types of abuse. My father was a workaholic and my mother was codependent. At the age of 4 or 5 I was subjected to sexual abuse by a female member of my household. The abuse continued for some years and totally altered my life. Something inside me closed up and I knew instinctively that this had to stay a secret.
I had a pretty normal childhood and, thankfully, I experienced no sexual traumas. Looking back, I notice that I had an unusually strong interest in women, even as a child. Still, I don’t believe I experienced genuine addiction until decades later.
In December of 1999, I was 10 years sober in SA and working for a defense contractor. It was the era of Millennium bug, and no one knew what sort of effect the change of millennia would have on computer systems (the answer: not much). To help out in this effort, I was sent from my home in Maryland to Tampa, Florida to assist U.S. Special Operations Command with documenting their Y2K compliance.
Thank you Lee T. for agreeing to be interviewed for Essay. Your sobriety date is 1986. During your 34 years of sexual sobriety, what have been some of the key habits and behaviors you have built and maintained to stay sober and grow in recovery?
Lust and acting out had poisoned my soul from early teenhood. A double track had developed in me: On the one hand, a deep desire for a true love, a loving union, for family life, house and kids; on the other hand, an ill and poisoned desire to right away have sex with women, without any sense for personal relation, love or respect.
