For over twenty years I lived in the merciless downward spiral of Lust. As my disease progressed, the unmanageability increased, the consequences were greater, and I was powerless to save myself. By the Grace of God, over 9 years ago I walked into a meeting of SA and was given the gift of freedom. Yet, that gift of freedom did not happen overnight nor by accident. It took many years of good Step work and quality sponsorship to get to a comfortable and clean sobriety.
I’ve been sober in SA for four and one-half years, and I believe that my sobriety can be attributed in no small part to sponsorship. The SA program continues to bless me with valuable lessons from the process of both having a sponsor and being a sponsor, and I’m grateful to my Higher Power for putting my sponsees in my life.
I have sponsored and been sponsored. Long-sober members often describe their sponsors with reverence. But if they talk long enough, they sometimes admit that the person who first helped them get sober is no longer sober themselves.
When I was sober just over three months, a younger man asked me to sponsor him. He was shy and new to SA and I didn’t want to say no, so I said that I would be his temporary sponsor. When I called my sponsor to tell him what happened, he seemed skeptical and emphasized that I should definitely think of this as only temporary, since I myself was new to sobriety and Step work.
During my years in SA, I’ve been both a sponsor and a sponsee. My drawing below is about both of those experiences.
Sponsorship in SA has been a great blessing for me, and continues to be a (sometimes humbling) learning experience. In fact, I learn as much from the men I sponsor as I have from my sponsors!
For me, honesty is the basis of a sponsorship relationship. I’m honest with my sponsor right away if a behavior is becoming a problem. I’m honest with her about what situations I must avoid. I also know what I am able to handle without problems.
This sponsor/friend thing has been emotional for both of us. I have so much life stuff going on that I haven’t been dealing with my feelings around our relationship. Part of me doesn’t know how. I’ve never been in this situation before. To be a sponsor is one thing, it’s more cut and dried. A friend is another thing completely; it takes the “conditions” out.
In Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill W. and Dr. Bob speak of their need to seek out other alcoholics or they could not stay sober. This need was not based on a desire to fix other drunks, but rather to share with others their truths regarding alcohol in their lives, and their need for a relationship with God, the One who could help them live without alcohol.
My sobriety date is January 1, 1991. The longer I am sober, the more I need a meeting because I am close to a relapse. Why, you may ask? Well, there are a lot of new people, but not a lot of people with long-term recovery. That tells me that I am closer than ever to relapse. What I have been doing has been working for me, so I keep doing it.
