I ask God, as I understand him, for the courage to change. When and how do I do this? Every time I pray the Serenity Prayer, that phrase is there. I have liked the Serenity Prayer ever since the beginning of my recovery. We pray it often, in group meetings, in workshops, and at retreats … It says profound things with simple words, but often I will get distracted and simply recite it automatically.
I am Oscar, a recovering sexaholic, sober by the grace of my beloved Higher Power since March 6, 2012.
When I was new to the Fellowship, I heard something that made me laugh: “I’m a self-loathing narcissist.” I thought it was funny, but I also wanted to cry at how true this statement was for me. I’m a sexaholic and have truly earned my seat in these SA rooms. I have a fatal, incurable, progressive disease—a real soul sickness. By an incomprehensible miracle, the Program helped me find my way to a Higher Power who restored me to sanity. Granted, all I have is a daily reprieve contingent on my spiritual condition, but that much is an absolute miracle to me.
Some months ago, our Bonn group hosted a 12-Step workshop with 31 participants. It was a creative combination of Dave T.’s awesome string exercises., Nicholas S.’s brilliant 12-Step workshop, and the workshop leader’s live drawings on a flipchart.
I want to share six affirmations I created on an app called “I AM,” that show on my phone screen throughout the day to a background of a setting sun at a beach. They help me to stay sober.
I entered SA in August 2017, having heard of it a year earlier. My first meeting was on a Saturday morning in the city of Ghent, Belgium, where I live. It was in a messy but cozy living room of a presbytery. SA had been very warmly welcomed there by the old local parish priest who gave us the room when approached by a fellow in 2014. This Saturday meeting has been my home meeting for the last 6 years.
I am 71, married with two adult children, and currently living in a country at war. I am not on the battlefield; I don’t have children at home to care for, or children in the military.
While participating in a Twelve-Step workshop last weekend, I had the opportunity to share my experience, strength, and hope on the topic of forgiveness. After the workshop, I was asked to write down my share for the ESSAY magazine, which follows here:
I am sober by the SA sobriety definition eight years now, by the grace of a Higher Power. I like the number eight because it reminds me of the infinity sign. And even though I'm still learning to live within the day, the program offers me endless hope, day by day.
In the chapter on the First Step in the White Book, in the last paragraph it says: "A broken and contrite spirit—the spirit of the First Step—is the key that opens the door and sets us free."
