Jestem trzeźwa według definicji trzeźwości SA od 8 lat, dzięki łasce Siły Wyższej. Lubię cyfrę 8, ponieważ przypomina mi znak nieskończoności. I chociaż wciąż uczę się żyć skupiając się na jednym dniu, program daje mi nieskończoną nadzieję, dzień po dniu.

Przez całe życie byłam seksoholiczką i to najważniejszy fakt w moim życiu. Mam też inne uzależnienia i inne wspólnoty. Seksoholizm nie jest tym, który zabiłby mnie najszybciej, jak to się mówi, ale na nim się głównie skupiam na programie zdrowienia, gdyż dotyczy i przenika najwięcej sfer życia.

Moja grupa macierzysta znajduje się w Petersburgu w Rosji, ale rok temu przeprowadziłam się do Hanoi w Wietnamie, gdzie nie ma wielu innych zdrowiejących seksoholików. Moje zdrowienie rozpoczęło się w dniu, w którym przyszłam na miting SA. Od tego dnia moje życie bardzo się zmieniło i nadal się zmienia. Jestem wdzięczna za wszystko – przeszłość, teraźniejszość i przyszłość. Życie toczy się dokładnie tak, jak chce tego Bóg mojego rozumienia, więc akceptuję wszystko, co przynosi. Pragnę żyć tym właśnie życiem.

Ten tekst dotyczy zapobiegania nawrotom. W głębi duszy czuję się jednak niekomfortowo pisząc o tym. Uważam, że zapobieganie nawrotom dotyczy osób trzeźwych. Chodzi o to, jak zapobiegać nawrotom po osiągnięciu trzeźwości. Uważam, że wiele osób nie trzeźwieje, choć myślą, że są trzeźwi. Jak mogę wygłaszać takie twierdzenia?

Mój sponsor zwykł mawiać: „Po co karmić wilka? Pozwól mu umrzeć z głodu” – odnosząc się do żądzy w moim mózgu. Na początku częściowo się z nim zgodziłem. Jednak w głębi duszy wierzyłem, że ta żądza jest integralną częścią mojego charakteru, tego kim jestem, nawet jeśli wiedziałem, że mnie zabija, że zabija moją duszę. Zmagałem się z pomysłem, żeby pozwolić jej umrzeć z głodu.

I am sober by the SA sobriety definition eight years now, by the grace of a Higher Power. I like the number eight because it reminds me of the infinity sign. And even though I’m still learning to live within the day, the program offers me endless hope, day by day.

I’ve been a sexaholic my whole life, and it’s the most important fact in my life. I’ve other addictions and other Fellowships also. Sexaholism is not the one which would kill me quickest, as the saying goes, but it is the major focus of my life in recovery, being the most all-encompassing and all-pervasive of them.

My home group is in St. Petersburg, Russia, but one year ago I moved to Hanoi, Vietnam, where there are few other recovering sexaholics. My recovery started the day I came to an SA meeting. Since that day my life has changed a lot, and it is still changing. I am grateful for everything, past, present, and future. My life is happening exactly as the God of my understanding wants, so I accept everything life brings to me. I want to live this life.

This article is about relapse prevention. However, deep down inside of me, I am uncomfortable writing about this. I feel relapse prevention applies to people who are sober. It is about how to prevent people from relapsing once they get sober. My belief is that many people do not get sober although they think they are sober. How can I make such a statement?

My sponsor used to say to me, “Why Feed the Wolf? Let It Starve,” referring to the lust residing in my brain. At first, I partially agreed with him. Deep down, though, I believed that this lust was integral to my character, to who I am, even though I knew that it was killing me, killing my soul. I struggled with the idea of letting it starve. I associated hunger with food and believed that, if I were hungry, the only solution was to eat; calling a fellow, attending a meeting, or praying to alleviate the feeling of hunger won’t put food in my belly. Likewise, I projected that only acting out could feed my lust hunger. I eventually realized that this perspective is false, but it took me a couple of years to truly grasp it.

In Hungary, SA was founded in September 2019. We currently have three weekly meetings, two online and one hybrid, but there is real interest in Monday’s hybrid meeting in Budapest. Participation activity varies—members come and go—but we have about six to eight returning members. The meeting types are varied and include free sharing, SA White Book reading, AA Big Book reading, and speaker meetings.

This is a postcard I sent from the Cracow Convention, where I asked fellow attendees to write something or at least their names for my home group in Italy. It was a meaningful experience for me to engage with both familiar faces and newly met fellows, offering a small way to “carry the message” to those who couldn’t be present. Additionally, it could serve as a bridge from our group to the larger SA fellowship. There were many names written, reflecting various languages and alphabets. My only regrets? Not buying a larger postcard to collect even more messages, and not using colored pens.

In the beginning of recovery, when I was struggling to find long-term sobriety, every relapse seemed like a death sentence. This was a delusion and a lie. Who was judging me? Not my Higher Power. I was the judge, and again I was making myself the god and center of my world. My Higher Power never stopped desiring a relationship with me. He was and is the real center of the world. He was not concerned about judging me. His intention was to call me away from bondage to lust because it blocked our relationship. For this reason, guilt did not serve me. Guilt distracted my attention from seeking help from my HP and from the help of others in the SA fellowship.

I met my sponsor at an online SA meeting that I had never before attended. The fact that both I and my future sponsor decided to join that same meeting on the same day is evidence of my Higher Power’s love for me. Meeting him came at a time when I felt alone and disconnected, longing to feel loved and understood by my Higher Power.

Trying to control my sexual lust is like trying to predict the weather. Sometimes I can do it successfully. However, most of the time, I fail miserably. Lust is cunning so I end up fooling myself into thinking that I can control it. The measure of my success in controlling lust is the measure of my self-deception that I am able to control it. If I go for an evening without acting out, I magnify it so that it looks like a major breakthrough in my battle against this cunning, baffling, and powerful disease.

There are three essential things that help me be sober. The first is a commitment to surrender every single lust temptation to my Higher Power. The second thing is to associate myself with the SA fellowship at every opportunity. I do this with regular communication with my sponsor, phone calls and meetings with SA members, and constant study of SA literature.

In the chapter on the First Step in the White Book, in the last paragraph it says: “A broken and contrite spirit—the spirit of the First Step—is the key that opens the door and sets us free.”

I wrote this prayer to help me when I’m working with others; it’s adapted from chapter seven of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Today while traveling back to my home, my scheduled flight was delayed and there was a high probability I would miss my connecting flight. As I was checking in, I saw a flight leaving in 20 minutes and wondered if I could run to the gate and see if I could get on this earlier flight going to the same destination. As I checked my luggage in, the agent asked if I had any lithium batteries in my bag. I said, “No,” as I wanted to make it to the service counter to see if I could jump on the earlier flight.

When I was 18, I went on a parachute course with a few friends. I was looking for a new adventure and an experience that I could feel proud about. After one day’s instruction on the theory, we were given the go-ahead to make our jump. We would be using the “static-line” technique for our jump. Here, a cord runs from the parachute to a rail fixed on the inside of the plane. When you jump, the cord pays out, then pulls out your parachute; you don’t have to do anything.