You have been there for my husband through our entire marriage, but you have been a disaster! You have been a stress and anxiety release for him, while causing more for me. You have been there when my husband watched TV, viewed pictures, watched porn, took showers, even next to me in bed. You were there with his fantasies about others, about me.

It seems like only yesterday that my old friend and sponsor, Jess L., shared with me a wonderful story. He said that there once was a world-renowned football team that had successful seasons year after year. One year, however, things were not going well for the team. They were certainly not playing their best. Their famous, well-respected coach felt it was time to intervene.

In a recent meeting a member expressed his envy of so-called “normies,” men whose reactions to sexual stimuli seem to be less intense or more controlled than those that characterize sexaholics. I understood the sentiment and shared it, but also had other reactions to the notion of normality.

Since 1997 I have been a member of SA and a minister of a church. I have seen some members who have trouble with sobriety because they do not see the difference between religion and spirituality. Some want to rely on prayer to take away the addiction, and they don’t do the steps. Some go to “church” recovery groups which can be helpful, but rigorous honesty is very difficult in a group of mixed addictions.

The SA Correctional Facilities Committee is seeking the experience, strength, & hope from any & all SA members who have served, or are currently serving, time in prison, who have benefited from the SA program through CFC services, whether by working with a sponsor, reading our literature, attending meetings, etc. Stories will be recorded anonymously for an outreach video project. Please send responses to – calsacfc@gmail.com

A detailed donations report is enclosed with mailed issues of Essay, or is available from saico@sa.org. We thank SA members who generously contribute so that we may continue to carry the SA message to the sexaholic who still suffers.

The author of “Emotional Sobriety” identifies with the depressions experienced by Bill W. and his discovery of emotional sobriety.

Dear Essay,
Over the last several years I have noticed that speakers at International, regional, and even local meetings are not really sharing the pain of what got them to SA. They skip over the past with vague generalizations, so as to get to the recovery part and “focus on the solution.” I think this is misguided. As a newcomer, I need to hear the problem, so I know you understand what I am going through.

Dear Essay readers:
This issue of Essay includes many stories on “Humility: Being Right Sized.” Your next issue in December will focus on “Service Work as a Gift.” Please send in any stories or short articles on your experience with Service Work! Future topics are: February, 2019: Sobriety and Relationships; May, 2019: Open-mindedness. Let us hear from you at essay@sa.org

A sexaholic is energetically doing chores around the house and yard. The partner knows from experience that this behavior is probably “chore-play.”

The question of whether technology can foster wholly spiritual recovery is being further explored within the International region of Sexaholics Anonymous. As a user of technology to communicate thoughts around the planet, I was nonetheless skeptical when I heard about last year’s Geek Camp.

During the July SA International Conference in St. Louis the Essay had the pleasure of meeting Helmut M. from Germany. Since 1989 Helmut has provided the translations of SA literature into German. During visits to Germany Roy K. stayed with Helmut in his home. He later stayed with Roy and Iris in Simi Valley, California.

Over a weekend in early September the New Mexico “S” Fellowships held their 18th annual retreat. The retreat welcomes all 12-Step fellowships in New Mexico in support of the sex addict. Represented this weekend were: SA, SAA, SLAA, SCA, S-ANON, and RCA.

Alcoholics Anonymous (the “Big Book”) and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions have proven to be indispensable guides in my recovery journey. When I place these two recovery manuals alongside Sexaholics Anonymous, our White Book, I find helpful connections.

Steps 1-3 brought me into the SA program (vs. just participating in meetings). Steps 4-9 under the guidance of a sponsor took me though the process of reconciling with my past and connecting rightly with God and others. Steps 10-12 keep me in right relationship with God and others and show me a path ahead to keep growing spiritually.

I am seeking a timeless and relevant God to assume ownership of all my affairs and provide guidance for all future decisions. This God will negotiate all interactions between me, my true self, and the rest of creation. My new Higher Power will direct my steps to either avoid or correctly navigate difficult and painful situations, self-induced or otherwise, at His discretion.

In the cell block I have a friend Seth. He talks to me, is friendly and warm. He has been open and honest about his heroin addiction.

Have you ever known something—then you didn’t? Have you ever believed it—then you didn’t? Have you had faith and lost it? I have. I was a student, teacher, preacher and leader. I knew the Bible inside and out. I had faith that my God was real. I believed it with all my heart. However, I had a secret. That secret was my addiction. This addiction ate at my core.

I used to rock climb. I mean the big mountains, like the Grand Teton in Wyoming, 13,775 feet tall. These experiences taught me some valuable lessons. When I climbed the big mountains, I never climbed alone; I was always roped together with a friend as we climbed over dangerous areas. Can I apply this lesson to my lust addiction? You bet.

Throughout my life I used food, alcohol, drugs, relationships, sex, work, and achievements to fill up a gaping hole inside which never seemed satisfied. I had an insatiable need for recognition from people. I viewed everything through a prism of me, self-obsession to the nth degree.