I will survive if I am strong,
I will perish if I am weak,
I will beat my addiction,
I will not admit defeat.

My natural tendency is to vacillate between pride and shame. Maybe I hit moments of humility somewhere in between. It occurs to me is that both pride and shame are dishonest states of being, while humility is completely honest. That’s why I can slip into a false humility quite easily, because it is dishonest and still being prideful. It’s still about me, and not about God and others.

My battle against the addiction was devouring my insides, and the only way to cope with it was to project everything on those nearest to me. As the monks did in the Middle Ages when they flagellated their backs for having sinned, I flogged myself psychologically very hard and did that with others.

My SA bus journey has been a long ride but well worth it so far. I still don’t know our destination even after 13 years. I have gone through the Steps with my sponsors several times in the course of my journey, and I have learned that the principles of Steps Four and Five still apply to me!

Whenever I try to hold something back from my sponsor or renewal partner, I find lust creeping back into my life with renewed vigor. In the AA chapter “Into Action” this quote is found: “…we usually find a solitary self-appraisal insufficient. …they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty…” (AA, Chapter 6). We find that most relapse comes from an insufficient Fifth Step (or Tenth Step).

There is the old story of the monk who lived on top of a high mountain. Every day he would walk down with two clay pots across his shoulders. Once at the bottom he would fill both pots and walk back up to his small hut on top of the mountain. On arriving, one of the pots would always be empty.

In my home group, we encourage newcomers to read an Essay article entitled “I Don’t Have to Know” for 40 consecutive days. The author describes a compulsive need to know everything around him. He has Batman-like hyper-vigilance that is a habit of insobriety. Realizing that he is not Batman and not God, he relies on the simple mantra of, “I don’t have to know” to practice a healthy habit to not feed the impulsive desire to look.

In my SA experience, I have encountered many times when lust and arousal seem ready to overwhelm me. In recent conversations I’ve also heard these common sexaholic scenarios:

Often my willfulness asserts itself, and I have been learning the following ingredients of surrender.

In the White Book, it says that we identified with each other at the point of our weakness. I need to hear your struggles with lust in order to get in touch with my own lust. I need to hear your pain so I know I don’t want to go back out there. I need to hear your hope so I know there is a way out. I need you to be “specific but not graphic,” as one member puts it.

Soy un sexólico, sobrio desde el mes de agosto del año 2014 gracias a mi Poder Superior y a la Fraternidad.
Quiero compartir acerca de mi primer año en sobriedad. Fue una etapa llena de dificultades, momentos de profunda paz, y mucho crecimiento.

Dear SA Fellowship:
I received word from Ray Stith’s wife that the trusted servant and friend to all of us, known as Tucson Ray passed away from cancer and declining health on June 21, 2018. When it came to prison work, Ray was the genuine, formative force. He started SA prison meetings, wrote the sponsor by mail approach that is currently in use, and created our protocol for how to approach prison officials.

As I look at the first six months of 2018 revenue results, I see total revenue has a positive variance $6,670 (4.5%). The 17.7% shortfall in contributions has been offset by positive variances in convention contributions (165%) and net literature income (38%).

What part of your disease and recovery are you responsible for?

Dave T. forwarded this Third Step prayer — a comparison of English and Polish versions.
God, I offer myself to Thee Boże, ofiaruje siebie Tobie – both versions say that the presence of HP in my life is essential. The Polish ofiaruje is more like to sacrifice me without any choice.

Dear Essay readers:
This issue of Essay includes many stories on “Traditions: Relating with Others.” Your next issue in October will focus on “Humility: Being Right Sized.” Please send in any stories or short articles on your experience with Humility! Future topics are: December, 2018: Service Work as a Gift; February, 2019: Sobriety and Relationships; May, 2019: Open-mindedness. Let us hear from you at essay@sa.org

There is no “I” in Team — and there is a “we” and “I” in weird.

The Saint Louis SA International Convention lived up to its theme of Gateway to a New Freedom. Events began with the annual July meetings of the Trustees and the Delegate Assembly. Thirty-two delegates and alternates from around the world and eight Trustees were present. Ten or more observers were also present from time to time.

Dublin Regional Assembly was held from Friday – Sunday, June 22–24. There were 170+ registered including 25 S-Anon members. Participants came from 16 nations and spoke 12 different languages. This included people from the USA, Germany, and Austria. Irish hospitality at the St. Patrick’s University campus was fantastic. The space and environment were wonderful and it was easy to access the airport and city.

By the grace of God, we celebrated the 15th birthday of SA fellowship in Iran on May 10th. Nearly 700 SA members, men and women, from all over Iran gathered for this anniversary celebration.