Sobriety came in the summer of 1985 like an unexpected gift. Just about three weeks earlier I had learned that there were people who called themselves sex addicts and held meetings and worked the Twelve Steps. I had begun making a weekly 200-mile round trip to the closest meeting. I had read the SA manual twice, but — brain numbed by decades of sexual obsession — I didn’t understand most of the basic principles there.

I recently received a letter from an inmate in Alabama indicating how pleased he was with his Sponsor-By-Mail. He said other inmates were interested in corresponding with outside SA members. He asked that I send request forms for others in prison to request an SA sponsor from the free world.

I recently attended an SA meeting that is not in my regular circuit, due to its time and location. However, I had directed a newcomer there and thought that as I had the day off from work, I would make the effort to meet up with him.

The ESSAY strives to be a source of experience, strength, and hope to sexaholics as one part of our Fellowship’s Twelfth Step work. The ESSAY is also a source of information about Fellowship activities and needs. The ESSAY is issued four times per year. Expanding the ESSAY’s circulation will also expand the range of articles, letters to the editor, and special sections to benefit our readers.

Dear Kay at SA Central Office:
Just wanted to send you a quick note and express my gratitude to you. You encouraged me to attend the SA Today meeting during the SA Conference and to speak about the SA Loners Committee. I was approached by two people after the SA Today meeting; there will be 2 new members added to the Loners lists as a result of these two people hearing me talk!

In June 2000, an inmate from the Adrian Temporary Correctional Facility in Adrian, Michigan, USA wrote requesting help in starting an SA group for convicted sex offenders. The Troy, MI group offered to help. Regular mail contact began with two members of SA. Contact was also made with the program director at the Adrian facility. A four-page constitution was provided as well as the name of a local SA sponsor.

The Tucson SA Fellowship approved the enclosed statement for local use with newcomers. In fact, we have printed it on the back of our Step 1 Guide, which we give to newcomers along with the SA brochure. We thought you might like to report this development and/or print the entire statement in the ESSAY.

God grant me the sobriety to seek the truth from you;
the faith to trust the answer;
and the strength to follow through.

Hi all:
I’ve been overwhelmed with “life” lately, so I haven’t responded to many topics. This one — surrender — caught my eye. Surrender is an impossibility. Asking me to “surrender” makes as much sense as asking me to stop breathing. Running rampant is a natural state for me.

When I was a little girl about five years old, I remember sitting on my grandfather’s lap and combing his hair. It gave me such happy, good feelings. My grandfather died when I was seven. I had trouble in school from that time on. I couldn’t concentrate, I would daydream, and I had headaches. I was a very lonely child after I lost that special relationship. I didn’t know how to get that love from anyone else, so I comforted myself in my fantasies where I was a fairy princess and my Prince Charming would come and carry me off.

Recently inquiries were sent to all prison inmates who have requested correspondence from SA members. Inquiries were also sent to all SA members who have offered to write inmates. The results of these inquiries are as follows: 25 SA members are actively corresponding with 67 inmates in 20 states.

Recently, I was listening to a tape from a recent International Conference. The speaker on the tape talked about things they found helpful in their recovery. They spoke of attending meetings, having a sponsor, Step work, phone calls, etc. This all seemed, to me, like good SA information.

The Literature Committee has announced that work has begun on a new SA book. The working title is “A Twelve and Twelve for SA.” The Sponsoring Editor will be working first on Steps One through Four. Members who would like to share in writing their thoughts about these steps are encouraged to send their manuscripts to Central Office.

The ESSAY strives to be a source of experience, strength, and hope to sexaholics as one part of our Fellowship’s Twelfth Step work. The ESSAY is also a source of information about Fellowship activities and needs. The ESSAY is issued four times per year. Expanding the ESSAY’s circulation will also expand the range of articles, letters to the editor, and special sections to benefit our readers.

My name is William R. My sobriety date is June 12, 1993. I live in the state of Washington, USA. Since January 1998, I have served Sexaholics Anonymous as the Correctional Facilities Coordinator.

Shortly after I entered Sexaholics Anonymous some fellow sexaholics mentioned making a “daily contract” for sobriety. During the first few weeks of sobriety I hardly needed a contract. I was so scared and miserable that sobriety was my only option. My second marriage was near an end, my acting out would cause me to quickly lose my job and I simply felt hopeless.

I live in a small town. For a year, I drove 85 miles one way to an SA meeting, and I still do so. I had wanted to start a meeting for a while, but how was I going to get the word out and who would come to this kind of meeting? I had been going to various other 12-Step meetings to hear the Steps and recovery. I got frustrated because all they talked about was drinking, drinking, drinking, and that was not MY problem!

It’s hard for me to talk about the benefits of maintaining sexual sobriety. But I can compare it to some things in the natural world.

The SA/S-Anon International Convention, held in Orange in January 2001, was one of the most successful ever. Attendance reached an all-time high. Participants were enthusiastic in their praise of the setting, the sharing and the fellowship.

I had to face the fact that in my marriage I didn’t know what intimacy without sex looked like. I was always seeking to create intimacy so I could get my wife to have sex with me. Just like I did with the girlfriends that preceded her. Our sexual encounters usually came out of the “connect with me and make me whole” syndrome. They created a false intimacy that soon evaporated, often leaving exposed the underlying emotions that made us feel like we had to be sexual with one another in the first place. And I was usually left with a craving for more….