Told by a Denver 2016 Conference SA speaker: What is the difference between a jet engine and a commercial airline pilot? When you get to the gate, the jet engine stops whining…

By the grace of a loving HP SA was started in Iran by two sexaholics from Shiraz on 31 March 2003. The standard meeting readings had already been translated into Persian by an expatriate Iranian and these helped the new fellowship in Iran to adopt and apply the principles established by SA internationally.

I learned about the sobriety definition (ludicrous!) and the Steps (no problem!) more than 20 years ago. In my head I completed them all in short order — until I became more desperate and got a sponsor. We agreed to work the Steps together.

After Step One in our book Sexaholic Anonymous on page 87 it says: “This is why ‘telling all’ is not taking the First Step. Such confession can be anything from boastful replay to anguished dumping or intellectual analysis. And even then, it’s not really ‘all’ and often is only surface material. In truth, we don’t ‘take’ the First Step; it takes us.

When I am pushing my way and it’s not going the way I want it to, I stop and pay attention. If there is time, I take a walk in the woods, sit with my back to a tree, feel the ground and the roots for the grounding effect, look at the treetop for the spiritual connection and the trunk for my physical connection.

A few years into my recovery I found myself periodically delving into some very negative emotions. These incidences were sometimes triggered by things like dealing with difficult people, having to make difficult decisions when there seemed to be no good options, and trying to cope with marital difficulties.

After my last act out, I have come to wonder if I am addicted to emotional pain. For an addict pain, along with most human instincts and feelings, can be skewed by a strange mental twist. Is pain that place of comfort or familiarity that I am inexplicably drawn to?

One night, at our home group meeting we discussed the SA group’s Primary Purpose—to carry its message to the sexaholic who still suffers (Tradition 5). Someone commented how helpful it would be to have a visual explanation of the Steps to share with newcomers. Below is what we created, and it has helped many newcomers ever since.

This summer I attended the SA International convention in Denver. While there I went to a baseball game. While there I talked with a man sitting beside me. After some baseball talk we got to what convention brought us to Denver.

I suffer from a sort of hypervigilance. Something in me wants to identify and define every object, every person, every angle and surface in my physical environment. My ears are open; my eyes are taking in the very texture of things around me.

What have been seasonal sobriety or Fellowship challenges for you or your groups?

This is a letter of concern. As I travel internationally to SA groups and have international sponsees, I am becoming more and more aware that we are an international organization. As Bill S. said recently, “We will soon have more members outside of North American than inside.” Since this is true, we must become more intentional in our efforts to include participation at all levels of all members.

Dear Essay readers:
When we arrive at our first SA meeting, the motivation is almost always a mix of fear and of pain. That’s what it takes to get our attention, it seems. When we sit in an SA meeting and identify with the shares of one another, the realization dawns that we can find freedom from the pain and the fears.

This year, from small beginnings, SA in Ireland is celebrating 20 years of Irish Conventions since its first convention in October 1996. This follows the sobriety of our longest serving member, Robert L. We now have three all-Ireland conventions per year, in spring (Esker), summer (Dublin) and in fall (Ballyvaloo).

My name is Tom M. I have been in recovery and sober since December 2007. Recently I had a phase when many things bothered me. I was mad at people at work, my wife’s requests didn’t make sense to me, things at church annoyed me, and the list went on and on.

By the time I was five I already had a developed capacity for sexual fantasy. I imagined having sex with the biology skeleton in the kindergarten classroom.

When I first started attending SA, it was a breath of fresh air. After coming to meetings and listening others share, I was able to admit my weaknesses and faults. Before I could not admit I was a “sex, pornography and lust addict.” When I finally did, a great feeling of relief came over me.

I like that SA is a mixed group. However, sometimes as a woman I feel there are double standards in SA around how to dress in meetings, especially as the weather gets warmer.

Hey, this is ___. I am calling because I am disturbed right now. I just left a message with my sponsor and he did not answer. I am calling until I get somebody live. No matter what, I need to talk about it. I am on campus while my girlfriend is in class. There was an angry street preacher here today and, of course, there were crowds yelling back and forth with him. I wanted to watch, but really I was just using this situation to lust.

One of the ways I continued in my addiction and acting out was by going to Sexaholics Anonymous meetings. (No, that is not a typo!) That was because going to meetings was all I wanted to have to do to stop acting out. I wanted an “easier, softer way.” I wanted to design my own program, and that meant just going to meetings. But, going to meetings didn’t keep me sober.