Why is it so hard to give up those flirtations with lust? It’s because I can’t fully surrender my will over my own choices that causes me trouble. Even though I often know I should not do something or go someplace, I have trouble giving it up because I don’t want to admit that I can’t handle it. I want to believe that this time it will be different.

At first glance, sobriety questions seem easy to resolve. I think it’s so simple because I think, okay, so long as I don’t masturbate or sleep with another woman or a prostitute, then I’m sober. But is this really the case? Doesn’t sexual acting out begin when I go looking for a porno shop or porn flick or when I go into the sleazy part of town? My lust knows the narrowest recesses of my heart.

My recovery calendar page today says “Gratitude turns problems into blessings and the unexpected into gifts.” I am grateful for the reminder of how important gratitude lists have been to my recovery from sexaholism. During the first several months of sobriety, I wrote gratitude lists daily. My sponsor said to put 20 items on it per day.

For the past two years the SA literature and Essay newsletter have been like a rescue ring thrown at me from a passing vessel. I hung onto it and very slowly I was pulled toward this vessel by people I could not see. My first conference, in Baltimore, was like reaching the side of the boat.

Our Thursday evening group in Portland, OR, has enjoyed an attendance of 10–15 people with one or two newcomers. This year we were proud to recognize anniversaries of five 1-year members, one 2-year member, two 3-year members, and one 4-year member.

A second SA conference call is being organized. It will be the Tuesday after the 15th of every month. The first conference call is full and is going well and has become a close-knit group. It took some time for people to get comfortable with each other, but it came about.

Our group consists mostly of 2 to 4 people at a time. I myself am unemployed and some of the other people are also. Moneywise it has been very difficult. We are meeting at the AA Clubhouse every Monday night. I am determined to make a go of this.

I’ve continued to get feedback regarding the conference, even as recently as this week [Feb. 12]. Ninety-nine percent of this is great. The most encouraging has been from the “old timers” who have been to more than one or two assemblies. They commented that there seemed to be an easy flow throughout the conference and a healing of broken factions in the fellowship.

At the Chicago International SA conference Roy K. announced his departure from running the Central SA office. An ad hoc Central Office Oversight Committee (COOC) was created to provide short-term management of our SA Central Office affairs.

I’d like to say something about SA birthday celebrations. I think we’re carrying it too far, going the wrong way with it. For example, in a recent regional SA convention, applause, whoops and whistles weren’t enough, there were horns. Razzmatazz. Is it a popularity contest? Who registers highest on the applause meter? Is this putting principles before personalities or personality before principle?

A counselor let me borrow his copy of Sexaholics Anonymous. It has been a real breakthrough for me in understanding my problem and having real hope for a solution. I am a sexaholic struggling now 5 years for a “miracle.” I have stormed heaven and psychologists seeking redemption.…

Thank you for your program. It is like the lyrics of the song “Amazing Grace.” SA is what has saved me, but I wish I could have found it sooner. I molested my first child at the age of 21 and am now 41. Usually it has just been touching but the things I did to my step-daughter are horrendous. I always prayed for God to stop that behavior, but I didn’t realize how messed up my whole sexual life was until I found SA and found that I needed to stop it all, not just part.

…I am a high-bottom alcoholic and a low-bottom drunk … sexually sober for 14 months. I am eternally grateful … to SA, and to God for my new lease on life. I have received many blessings throughout my life, but my sexual sobriety is the most precious.…

“Some will be willing to term themselves ‘problem drinkers,’ but cannot endure the suggestion that they are in fact mentally ill. They are abetted in this blindness by a world which does not understand the difference between sane drinking and alcoholism.” (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 33.)
I believe these words apply more to me, the sexaholic, than to me, the alcoholic. I first heard these words in AA—I realized I was an alcoholic before I knew I was a sexaholic—but in sobriety I found it difficult to believe I was mentally ill.

Shortly after I entered SA in August 1988, some fellow sexaholics mentioned making a “daily contract” for sobriety. During the first few weeks of sobriety, I hardly needed a contract. I was so scared and miserable that sobriety was my only option. My second marriage was near an end, my acting out would cause me to quickly lose my job and I simply felt hopeless.

SA is growing on LI. We have 3 strong meetings in Seaford on Monday, Thursday evenings and Saturday morning. Over the last two months, many newcomers have been showing up, bringing our meetings to about 20 members each. Though sobriety is difficult, there are some true miracles here, thanks to the grace of God and a strong fellowship.

In April of 1990, this Wednesday noon group meeting almost died. Only two of us were attending and the church in which we met was locked most Wednesdays. We decided to move the meeting and now we have 10 to 12 every week with about 20 to 25 that come when they can.

We have about 7 to 8 regular members at the Laguna Niguel group. The meeting includes a lot of honesty, openness and caring. Much learning and recovery is taking place. We send our best to all involved in the SA program of recovery.

We are delayed in answering our group correspondence. We walk slowly, but we’re united in our purpose. Our unique group in Rio de Janeiro has six assiduous members. Others come a couple of times and disappear. Our recovery is slow, but we’re united, having always in our mind the desire to be well.

Our meetings are still small. Usually it’s me and someone else. I’ve been in contact with people around the country, but probably not as much as I should be. We’ve started to have monthly business meetings, too. It feels good to be sober, and the program works if I put it into action.