There are two ways for a group to arrive at a group conscience. One is the competitive way, the other is the cooperative way. In the competitive, you push your ideas across, take a vote, and the majority carry the decision. This leaves behind a disgruntled minority that feel that its truths are lost sight of in the decision.
Ego has been said to mean Edging God Out. How desperately I want to sign this piece so that I’ll be admired and praised — so that I’ll feel less small and gray. But this means I am mistakenly allowing, indeed inviting, others to validate me — thinking that they can fill me up and make me whole.
When I first got sober in AA, service was not an option; it came with the package. When we work through the Steps, we eventually get to Step Twelve, which states that “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry the message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” When I came to SA I was told that AA’s Twelve Steps were SA’s Twelve Steps.
The following is taken from the new member orientation format of the Tucson, Arizona SA group:
This is the first meeting of SA in a long time that I’ve been to that no one but myself has attended. It’s OK with me because I need to sit quietly and try to set a course for the day. I’ve been sober two years and two months now. I’ve been forced to attempt the Fourth Step again because I do not know how to live.
Personally I feel that as a sexaholic, any sobriety other than SA’s would give me easy ways out. I just lost a friend because I did not want to have sex with him. Although I miss him, I have absolutely no regrets about having made no compromise with my sobriety. I feel clean.
Only when I own up to my addiction by sharing and getting it outside of myself do I have a real chance of living a sober life. At a recent movie I was not bothered by nakedness in a scene. If I had known there would be nakedness, however, I would not have gone. I rationalized my being there by my ignorance of the fact that there would be nakedness. One cannot control everything that happens around one.
I got the idea some time ago at an SA International Convention to try giving up movies. I could see people getting all excited about going to them, and I began to suspect that something was wrong. As far back as five years old, when they cost less than ten cents, I remember them as being a welcome change from the emotionally impoverished family environment in which I lived. For that reason, they had always been an important source of relief.
The first SA meeting was held here in El Paso recently. At first it was very disappointing. I was the only one there. At first I thought, “I’m the only one with this problem.” Then I remembered ‘Group News’ in the Essay and thought no, I’m not the only one. I’m not all alone.
The SA Conference in New York was absolutely tremendous. I got so much out of it. I have also come to a decision to serve SA on a national or international level by serving on the Loners’ Committee. I am really excited about this and I know it will help my sobriety.
