I have to remember that my lust has not gone anywhere since I got into recovery. I’ve just been holding it at arm’s length. If I think I’ve got some sobriety so that now I can relax and I don’t need to work so hard to stay sober, my lust is right there ready to step back front and center in my life.
I am a technophobe, and clumsy at best when it comes to all the gadgets today. I miss the simple life of rotary phones and typewriters! I realize that technology neither caused my disease nor is responsible for my recovery.
One of the greatest gifts in recovery for me has been the realized hope for freedom. I say “greatest,” because I didn’t believe it was possible for me to have freedom from the obsessions and compulsions of my addiction. As an addict I am powerless over lust, so what hope could I have? As I sat in meetings in the earlier years, most of us were still showing up week after week to report on our latest acting out episodes.
I had an idea in my head. My idea was to plant meetings around Scotland. I thought even if it doesn’t help many SAs in Scotland it would probably help keep me sober. I am grateful that I have been sober from lust since December 2008.
On Tuesday December 5th, veteran SA member Dave (27 years sober) arrived in Colombia to share with us his experience, strength and hope. On December 6th he accompanied us to the noon and afternoon meetings, where there was a combined attendance of close to 15 members. On the next day we went to a drug-addiction treatment center, where Dave shared his experience with 9 psychologists and close to 20 addicts.
“Must be nice to go to all those places and have them pay.” I do hear that said from time to time. First, let me say that I get more out of speaking places than anyone else. I love the chance to share my Experience, Strength, and Hope with others.
Fear is normal and somewhat healthy. It has enabled human beings to survive and flourish. If fear was not a part of the human make up, our ancestors would have either been eaten by lions or tigers, or met some other unfortunate end. I have experienced fear many times in my own life beginning at an early age when my father would angrily yell all the time.
The Old-Timers’ panel in Newark last summer was comprised of Dee (1987), Tom (1987), Pat (1996), Mitch A. (1985), Margo C. (1986), and Harvey A. (1984). Part I was in the December Essay.
I have downloaded what I call a “ringing tone” that rings every day at 12:12. It is now on my smartphone. It has been for almost a year. I may have seen that tool somewhere within an SA document. It helps me remember to be grateful that I have a program in 12 Steps and 12 Traditions. Any ringtone could do the trick.
This can be a very helpful tool to use not only for yourself but to show those you are mentoring and certainly your family members. Whenever you feel disturbed, upset, or bothered, if you are worrying about something, fretting, can’t get it out of your mind, irritated at someone, resent someone, obsessing about a topic or person or object, if there is anything taking up too much space in your brain (a dangerous neighborhood — don’t go in there by yourself!), give this tool a try.
