This opening phrase of our version of the St. Francis prayer offers me a degree of comfort and hope unlike any other prayer. Whether sitting in my chair for morning meditation or out walking the dog, those words begin by centering me on “Lord” rather than “me.” For this addict, that’s the best possible first step toward serenity.
I identified with this expression the first time I heard it. How often had I worked myself into a lather of rage because people weren’t doing things MY way? How often had I sunk into despair because I was sure life was not working out well? The answer to each question was, “Every day!”
I just hit nine months of sobriety. I knew it was getting close, but I didn’t expect it quite this soon. This got me thinking: what good is counting anyway? I once had sixteen months, and it vanished overnight. I actually have only 24 hours—since yesterday. Tomorrow, it could be gone in a few minutes.
Each morning I try to start my day on the right path. I read from “Answers in the Heart,” meditate, and pray to my Higher Power. I pray for my family, for the other addicts in the world and for serenity, courage, strength, and willingness for myself. I look out the window to try to connect with the world of which I am a part.
All my life, all I wanted was to fit in, to be accepted, and to feel okay about myself. I grew up in a family of multiple addictions, and I was a loner. From very early on I hated myself. I felt trapped, always wishing and waiting to grow up so I could do what I wanted to and have the freedom to get away from it all.
Many of you already know that I have been locked up in Texas for the last 23 years. I was well over 50 years old before I even knew what it was to be someone’s friend. If I was not trying to drag you off to bed, I did not have the time of day for you. Now that is really sad, but it was also very true!
Election of Trustee: Jenny M. elected for a four-year term. There are still vacancies for both sexaholic and non-sexaholic Trustees. A sexaholic Trustee must have five years of SA sobriety. Trustee candidates need to submit a service resume and a letter of recommendation from their Intergroup to SAICO.
If you are in a painful and seemingly endless cycle of relapse, unable to scrape together a few weeks or just a few days of sobriety AND you are willing to do whatever it takes, then read on.
1. We admitted that we were powerless over whatever it was and that our lives had become confused.
I can’t see my self-centered fear. What others recognize as my obvious self-centeredness, to me is just the “real world,” or the “facts” of my life.
