I was a pornography addict working for an internet service provider who developed video over the internet. This was a blessing (if you ask my sponsor) and a curse (if you ask me). Like a drunk who went from hard liquor to beer, I shifted from hard core to chats, from chats to personals, and then from personals to on-line games with chat capabilities.
For over 30 years I had pretty much controlled and enjoyed my acting out, or at least (in my pre-recovery, delusional thinking) thought I had. Nine quick and horrific months after gaining access to the Internet, I was in a sex-addiction therapy group and had become an active member of Sexaholics Anonymous.
As I sit here on the New York City subway, I have seven years in the program and one day of sexual sobriety. Triggers of every kind surround me and it seems impossible for me not to lust. Add this all up, and it equals just one thought in my mind — FAILURE!!! And that is exactly what my disease (my addict, the devil, whatever I call it) wants me to believe.
Sobriety came in the summer of 1985 like an unexpected gift. Just about three weeks earlier I had learned that there were people who called themselves sex addicts and held meetings and worked the Twelve Steps. I had begun making a weekly 200-mile round trip to the closest meeting. I had read the SA manual twice, but — brain numbed by decades of sexual obsession — I didn’t understand most of the basic principles there.
I recently received a letter from an inmate in Alabama indicating how pleased he was with his Sponsor-By-Mail. He said other inmates were interested in corresponding with outside SA members. He asked that I send request forms for others in prison to request an SA sponsor from the free world.
I recently attended an SA meeting that is not in my regular circuit, due to its time and location. However, I had directed a newcomer there and thought that as I had the day off from work, I would make the effort to meet up with him.
The ESSAY strives to be a source of experience, strength, and hope to sexaholics as one part of our Fellowship’s Twelfth Step work. The ESSAY is also a source of information about Fellowship activities and needs. The ESSAY is issued four times per year. Expanding the ESSAY’s circulation will also expand the range of articles, letters to the editor, and special sections to benefit our readers.
Dear Kay at SA Central Office: Just wanted to send you a quick note and express my gratitude to you. You encouraged me to attend the SA Today meeting during the SA Conference and to speak about the SA Loners Committee. I was approached by two people after the SA Today meeting; there will be 2 new members added to the Loners lists as a result of these two people hearing me talk!
In June 2000, an inmate from the Adrian Temporary Correctional Facility in Adrian, Michigan, USA wrote requesting help in starting an SA group for convicted sex offenders. The Troy, MI group offered to help. Regular mail contact began with two members of SA. Contact was also made with the program director at the Adrian facility. A four-page constitution was provided as well as the name of a local SA sponsor.
The Tucson SA Fellowship approved the enclosed statement for local use with newcomers. In fact, we have printed it on the back of our Step 1 Guide, which we give to newcomers along with the SA brochure. We thought you might like to report this development and/or print the entire statement in the ESSAY.
