Mixed face-to-face meetings are a great place for me to learn to respect myself in the presence of men. I have the option to go to a women-only meeting, but I have found (after hiding out in that women’s meeting for a year or two) that the mixed face-to-face meetings are 10 times better for my recovery and healing.
February 11th, 2008 Journal Entry: I let myself float off into the beginnings of lust this morning. But this time, strangely, I had an awareness of choice: an awareness of two worlds. The first was dark, although in my addiction it could seem bright and be full of expectation and excitement.
I don’t know why you’re not able to stay sober, but I don’t think it’s the incapacity to be honest. Agonizing over that is like agonizing over grieving the Spirit—it happens to very few people.
My name is Will. I’m a sexaholic and part of a recovering couple. I’ve been sexually sober since January 5, 2000.
How did my addiction to lust begin? There are many ways I could explain it: my childhood; my parents’ relationships with themselves, with me, and with others; genetic predisposition—it can be looked at from different angles. Today I believe that my addiction stems from my relationship with myself, from my unhealthy self-talk.
In one of the Harry Potter books, the defense against the Dark Arts teacher would shout, “Constant vigilance!” He meant, of course, that constant vigilance is necessary in order to stay safe from practitioners of the dark arts. When I read this, my first thought was “That’s how I have to be with my sexaholism.”
At the beginning of Sexaholics Anonymous (15), the narrator says in part: “Then one night out of nowhere a prostitute jumped into my car . . .” (emphasis added). I used to think that my own behaviors occurred “out of nowhere.”
I’m the type of sexaholic who likes to do everything by myself. I started my own business, did my own accounting, and wrote my own contracts. When I play music, I only want to play my music. I don’t want or need any help because I can do it all by myself!
I first came to SA in October 2004—the same date I started consulting for my current employer. My work requires me to travel to China. My start in SA kept me sexually sober for the next two years, while travelling to China every five weeks, for about two weeks at a time.
I’ve been hit hard by lust this last week. When that happens, my only choice is to surrender and turn to my Higher Power. The program becomes really simple after that.
