I was born in a religious family who always believed in Allah and His power. Actually I was believing that He can do anything except this one thing, so I had problems. I couldn’t pray and ask Him about this addiction. I was so resentful how my life was totally destroyed. I can’t describe the remorse and self-pity I felt every time I relapsed.
Eight years ago, I decided to take a month’s leave of absence from work to travel to Florida and enjoy the beautiful March weather of the sunshine state, as well as to practice my favorite sport: golf. One important concern I had when I made that decision: how would I be able to maintain my SA routine that has enabled me to keep progressing in my recovery, which includes attending, on a regular basis, SA meetings?
The only annual novelty that happened in my family, apart from my birthday, was the arrival of the holidays. We used to go to the beach every year and the freedom the sea and the waves produced in me softened the anguish of having “special parents,” who did not love each other and who might even divorce.
Isolation has always been a danger for me as a sexaholic. Before coming to SA, I lived my life in a bubble, withdrawn from others, cut off from any type of Higher Power, out of touch with reality, lost in my world of illusions. I was uncomfortable dealing with reality, and preferred the comfort of isolation, in which I could bask in lust and let my ego reign in all its glory.
Recently married for the fourth time, the marriage already unstable due to my disease, I arrived at SA in early 2002. I’ve been sober since July 18, 2008. However, sober isn’t well, and my anger persisted. Finally my wife left me in 2013. At that time, I was a GDA delegate and attending International Conventions. I had an unmarried sponsee who needed dating guidance. What did I know about sober dating?
For years I thought I took sober dating very seriously. My partner and I had been sexual together in 1991 and all hell broke loose. I prevented her contacting me ever again. and fled back to the UK. Then, five years later I reasoned things were different. She and I reconnected at an SA international conference. “This must be God’s will” I reasoned. My sponsor wasn’t so sure. “Make sure you are never alone together” he said.
I am very fortunate that I was blessed to find sobriety in SA before getting married. I am also thankful that my sponsor required that I had stable sobriety before giving me permission to date. During the dating period, in addition to my meetings and Step work, I checked in with him multiple times during the week, especially checking in after spending time with the young woman I was dating.
A member wrote about how he is triggered so often by other people. When we discussed what he really meant by the word triggered, he answered, “I was attacked by lust.” He’s suffering and feeling that our program is not working for him.
Sexaholics Anonymous reaffirms itself as a fellowship of men and women in an SA Meeting Participation Statement that emphasizes that a “…spirit of inclusivity is fundamental to the identity of an SA group.” For valid reasons, women are a minority in SA meetings. Many meetings have no women at all. This makes it very difficult for a female newcomer to feel welcome in SA, even though she needs the SA program every bit as much as her male counterpart.
En mi experiencia me he dado cuenta que SA es como un río. Cuando un compañero nuevo llega, el río quiere arrastrarlo a la recuperación. Pero nadie tiene motivos puros al llegar, como se dice en el libro Blanco. Por consiguiente, el compañero a veces se resiste.
