Over the years I’ve called my sponsor many times to surrender a woman’s body part or some annoying euphoric recall. He would respond, “That’s what we do. We are sexaholics and we are vulnerable to lust. It’s what we do next that matters. The key is surrendering our right to lust to God.”
My name is Keith. I am a grateful sexaholic. My SA sobriety date is 15 July 2012. Thank you for this opportunity to share my indebtedness and gratitude for SA to my SA family worldwide.
“I wanted so to break through and relate to other children … I was off somewhere hiding inside myself …” (SA 10)
For years I had not set up a voicemail on my phone. It just did not seem worth the time or energy. Out of a sense of ignorance, I was not thinking of anyone else’s convenience. I suppose I figured I wasn’t worth leaving a voicemail for anyway. However, at the urging of my sponsor I went ahead and activated my voicemail.
Whenever I get into negative or obsessive thinking, I try to remember the great promise of recovery from sex and lust addiction as I first experienced it. We all remember where we were and what we were doing when first we learned of something that would forever change our lives, especially something that promised us freedom from a hopeless state of mind and body.
Recently I faced the most severe challenge I’ve had in 18 months of sobriety. An explicit image and message appeared on my phone out of the blue one day when I was in a meeting at work. Like a deer in headlights, I was struggling to know what to do next. I thought it might be someone I had acted out with in the past.
One gift of SA has been the recovery in my marriage. I have no right to a happy and fulfilling marriage. I am certainly not worthy of this, but I have an amazing Higher Power who loves me no matter what—and for some reason, He seems to get a kick out of loving me through others, including my wife. Imagine that!
A couple of months ago, I retired. Finally I came down to the last couple of days and it was time to say goodbyes, which would include some affectionate goodbyes. That was good and bad, because ¾ of my co-workers were women. I was looking forward to some hugs and not entirely in a healthy way.
This is my second trip to an out-of-town city for a two day work trip. The first trip I met with the new group I am working with. We spent two long days in tough preparation for our business that concludes today. There was a lot of hard work, and laughing, and getting to know each other.
“Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake” (AA 417). I am reminded of this again today. I don’t go to church. I avoid religious people and situations like the plague. I believe in a Higher Power and I am still learning who He is. However, I still really struggle with my old concepts and beliefs.
