My name is Marie W., I’m a sexaholic, and my sobriety date is August 20, 2005. I came into SA because I was afraid I would die if I didn’t. I had started including self-inflicted pain in my acting-out behaviors. Today, because of SA, I’m learning to let go of old behaviors and replace them with healthy ones.
Dear SA Fellowship: I am an SA woman living in Iran. The typical Iranian, it seems, has great difficulty understanding lust addiction and believing in SA’s program of recovery, and this can be even more difficult for women.
I was on my way to an SA International Convention, less than a half an hour from home, when the traffic started to back up. I was already fighting a resentment about the traffic problems I usually encounter when I drive to this particular city. I was becoming more and more frustrated, certain I would be late. I had committed to speak on a 3:00 p.m. panel discussion of how to develop a deeper relationship with my Higher Power!
I’m a grateful recovering sexaholic woman, sober since October 22, 2001. I was thrilled when I was asked to share my story at the January 2013 Convention in Atlanta. The last time I was in Atlanta was for the January 2002 Convention, when I had just returned to SA after a seven-year relapse.
For my Step Three, my sponsor suggested that I answer a standard set of questions that we use in our local groups. The answers I found were illuminating for me, and I shared my Step Three with my SA group. The feedback I got from the group was positive—several members even encouraged me to submit my Step to ESSAY!
“I’m in a serious, monogamous relationship. I love him, and I’m certain that we’re going to get married. Why doesn’t SA support sex in this type of committed relationship? I’m able to stay present during sex, and it’s about connection, not escape. I don’t have religious convictions about waiting until marriage.
I recently heard a member share in a meeting that he thought SA is not a friendly place for singles because our Sobriety Definition does not allow them to have sex. He questioned how he could be expected to stay abstinent for the rest of his life with that definition. When I heard this I laughed; maybe because I’ve had the same thought at times.
Six months ago, after having been sober for a little over two years, I acted out. I am writing this in the hope that it may help another sex drunk—so that you don’t have to go through what I did.
When I first arrived at the Newark Convention in January, I was uncomfortable. I’m used to being the planner of events, the director of the play, but here I was just another attendee. I was out of my element. In my addiction, I was boisterous, always surrounded by people (not necessarily friends).
As gift, I recently received a very beautiful pendant. I learned that the minimum number of cuts a diamond is required to have in order to meet certain specifications is 52. This diamond was not ordinary: it had 72 cuts or 72 beautiful facets with which to reflect the many colors of light.
