I started sex-addiction recovery in 1994 in another sex-addiction fellowship, and spent the next eight years in a state of chronic relapse. Sometimes I couldn’t even get one day of sobriety, although a couple of times I reached six months. But five years ago something changed, and I have been able to stay sober.

Recently I met with a newcomer who was inquiring about SA. He had identified five different fellowships dealing with sexual addiction. He wasn’t quite sure where he belonged. He wanted a fellowship that would support his involvement in a same-sex relationship.

I was 18 when I first went to a gay bar. I had to wear a wristband to get in. I stood in the corner on the edge of the dance floor nursing my virgin Rum and Coke. My hair was unkempt. I wasn’t manicured. Every time I tried to connect, all I could say was, “God this music sucks.” I was desperate to make friends, but I couldn’t seem to break through.

In 1998, I believed I had a good life. I was 50 years old and satisfied in my marriage of 25 years, secure in my job, and content to have raised two grown children who were now out of the house. At the time, computers were the latest technology, and the Internet was an intriguing way to spend time talking with people from all over the country.

I’m an 18-year-old virgin sexaholic. I came to SA in March 2006, worried I wouldn’t be accepted because I’ve never had actual sex. But at my first meeting I was assured that I was quite qualified.

I love this quote: “In between black and white thinking is not grey; in between black and white thinking is where the colors are.” I want to share with you the rainbow that recovery has given me.

Six years ago, when I was 21, I was shocked to hear my counselor say he thought I was a sex addict. I was in college and trying to be cool and impress my friends. The last thing I wanted to be was a sex addict. But today I realize that his diagnosis was the turning point in my life.

Some time ago I wrote to SA and requested your “Sponsor by Mail” service. I received a letter from a member of SA who is now my sponsor.

During meetings in July 2007 the Delegates tasked the Trustees in the following matters:

Today the world is adrift on a sea of rapidly shifting mores. Change is accelerating at an unprecedented rate. The last eighty years have surpassed the rate of change of the last eight thousand, and the last thirty have probably surpassed it all. Every aspect of our lives and sexual thinking are affected.

When I’m in my disease I cannot love anyone or anything. Making Ninth Step amends has helped me reach out to God, and God in return has enabled me to feel love for those I have harmed.

As a child I had no exposure to healthy intimacy or communication. My parents had seven marriages between them, and seven children, two of whom I never met. My father left when I was three; my mother remarried when I was in my 20s.

I’m a newcomer to SA. I attended my first meeting on June 20, 2007, in Yonkers, Pennsylvania. The fellowship has been an enlightening experience so far, and I look forward to more growth and understanding.

Where does self-absorption begin? It just is. This is how I remember it: If a woman asked me for help, I would think, “If I help her, I may get a great smile from her, which I would interpret as her expressing approval of me.” I need approval.

Cancer. I hear the word and cringe. I’ve known people who have suffered the wrath of this relentless disease. Some have survived using prayers, surgeries, radiation, and chemo. Some survived one bout to suffer a miserable relapse (or even two or three relapses) years later.

I just wrote the following statement in my journal, and it caused me to burst into tears: “A male friend called me on Monday and asked me how my job search was going.”

Recently, I had a painful experience that knocked me down mentally (I did manage to keep my physical sobriety thanks to the support of God and SA) and showed me once again how cunning, baffling, and powerful this disease is.

Recently, I took my four-year-old daughter fishing. We arrived at the secret fishing hole and set off to find an unoccupied spot. As we followed the wooded path near the calm water, I noticed a man lying in the underbrush.

As I anticipated attending the 2007 Convention, I felt both excitement and fear. Excitement because the idea of meeting lots of new friends in recovery (including people I do service work with) sounded like great fun! But fear at the prospect of traveling to Maryland to meet these people, especially the men.

The 2007 International Convention in Maryland was the first large SA gathering I had attended. I didn’t know what to expect or whether I would feel comfortable being around more than 500 people who are as sick as I am. But I was greatly encouraged by the honesty and sincerity of the people I heard sharing their stories in the breakout sessions.