Some people have asked me about the fear list and gratitude list. I don’t have a formula, but here’s how I do them:

About a year ago I worked the Twelve Steps with my sponsor. I thought I was doing fine even though my sponsor left town. Then I noticed problems developing in my relationship. My wife noticed it too. She said, “Things were going better when you were working the Steps.” So I decided to do another Fourth Step focused on my relationship. I got a new sponsor to work with me. Here are the defects and fears I identified, followed by the way I have put what I’ve learned from this Step into practice in my life.

During high school I was getting more and more confused. I would hitchhike and pick up men for sex in exchange for money to buy drugs or impress my friends. My “friends” were druggies. I was surprised that good looking girls would hang around me. I was an egomaniac with an inferiority complex.

Over 40 SAs and S-Anons from all over Europe gathered at Mill Hill, just north of London, for the first European SA/S-Anon Convention over the weekend of March 27-29. The theme was “Freedom,” progressing through the Steps with successive sessions entitled: “Freedom from Obsession”; “Were Entirely Ready”; “Pathway to Peace”; and “Of Myself I Am Nothing.” Saturday afternoon was devoted to sessions for couples, women and “recovering entrepreneurs,” which explored the lust-money-power connection. Saturday evening was devoted to the usual absurd quiz games, music, poetry and fun.

Over the weekend of April 24-26, the 4th Australian SA conference was held at Camp Cottermouth, Canberra, the national capital. 28 members from around Australia attended. The theme for this year’s conference was “The Real Connection.”

I’m Paul H., a grateful sexaholic, sober since December 1996. The nature of my disease is lusting, wanting to be lusted after, compulsive masturbation, use of pornography, dependency relationships, and anonymous encounters.

This evening I feel I’m a very lucky man. God has given me an opportunity to live a joyful life. I celebrated my 40th birthday on the weekend. My wife, children, my Dad and Mom, brothers and sisters and their children were all there sharing this big day with me. The previous week, my wife and I went on a quiet drive through Nova Scotia where we shared the fresh air, spring flowers and lovely countryside. These times are special moments to cherish.

New Delegate Assembly Members
Introductions were made of the newest Delegates, Dorene S., CA, Southwest Region, and Art B., GA, Southeast Region.

(Editor’s note: The following is a report on an Inter-Fellowship Forum held November 8 – 9, 1997, in Ann Arbor, Mich. The purpose of the forum was to promote a spirit of cooperation among 12-Step fellowships that offer recovery from sex and lust addiction — so-called S-fellowships — with a primary purpose of reaching out to the addict who is still suffering. The report is submitted by Gary W., who took part in the two-day event on behalf of Sexaholics Anonymous.)

Fourteen years ago, on a Memorial Day weekend, I was finishing my third hour in a porno shop. I had spent the three-day weekend in almost total obsession. Finally someone entered my viewing booth for sexual contact.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and you mean your mother.

The listing of Sexaholics Anonymous in eight capital city phone books in Australia is now complete. This has led to an increase in inquiries — as well as hang-ups and set-ups. Distribution of inquiries to the various cities is being handled by e-mail wherever possible to minimize costs.

For years, SA outreach around the world depended to a large extent on occasional visits outside the US by sober members, and regular telephone outreach in response to inquiries, carried out almost entirely by Roy K. The first task of Indrei R. and Jose Maria R., as co-chairs of the International Committee, was to work out a modus operandi between ourselves as Roy’s successors and to set up a network of international contact members around the world.

At 5:45 this morning I woke to the sound of music from the house opposite floating through our open windows. I was in one of those headspaces, which have plagued me on waking up, since I got into recovery. I tried to go back to sleep; I didn’t really want to get up and take the actions.

When I returned to my hometown of Louisville, KY in 1996 from San Diego, I desperately needed to connect with an SA group. Unfortunately, the eight or nine men that made up the Louisville group had strayed far from the SA meeting format I had grown accustomed to. The group hosted members with various addictions, including sexual addiction, and the emphasis was on Bible study. I tried to get the group back on track, but over a period of time the men dropped out and Louisville SA became a group of one.

When I entered the program in 1992, there were two SA meetings in Northern Virginia — one in Falls Church and one in Alexandria, which moved in 1994 to Crystal City. There were four people with more than a year of sobriety, one with five years, another with seven and two with over a year.

(Editor’s note: Following the call for lust inventories at the recent Daytona Beach Conference, the International Central Office reports that several SA groups have called and expressed a desire to follow through on taking lust inventories, and requested guidelines on how to do it. The following guidelines, written by Roy K., are submitted by the North Hollywood SA group)

This may strike you as an unusual title for an article in the Essay. The reason is that I’m writing to invite you to consider becoming part of SA’s outreach into prisons. As you may know, the prison system often identifies inmates by a number. This didn’t mean all that much to me until I became friends with one of those numbers.

Many service opportunities are open at the national level. All committees need members from the fellowship to come forward and serve. Some service requires special talents — such as, the Legal Committee. Most committees just need time and the willingness to serve.

The reason the SA International Central Office sells the White Book at a 300 percent markup [see Essay, Dec. 1996] is because not enough groups and individuals are sending an adequate amount of money to Central Office. Most of the meetings in our area pass around two baskets at 7th Tradition time.