Why are the 12 Steps in the order they are? To me, coming into SA, they just seemed so random. I didn’t care. I just did what I was told to do to get sober. I’m of the mind that it is NOT critical to understand why the Steps are the way they are at the start. But, as the Step 9 promise goes, “we will suddenly understand situations which used to baffle us.” I think that goes for the mysteries of the Steps too as we progress in sobriety.

I am ready in Step 7 to ask God to remove another shortcoming and in Step 9 make amends to someone I hurt. I was ready with resentment and anger when my spouse opposed me or came to me with a complaint. In truth, it was never the content of her words but the temperature of my lust fever that determined my response because I wasn’t getting what I wanted.

It happened again. I was cooking the family meal and suddenly an attractive woman I know came to mind. I started thinking about her personality qualities and wondering if maybe God would want me to ask her out. It wasn’t lust, I thought — I was only thinking about her personality!

The other morning I was going out for a run. A neighborhood next to ours has a hill coming down to a stop sign. I have run past this entrance several times and noticed that people tend to drive down the hill at a high rate of speed. This leads them to roll through the stop sign without stopping.

I’m listening to a podcast with one former Heavyweight boxing champion, and a new Heavyweight champion. The two boxers are talking about how the younger man’s life has changed since becoming the new champion. Several things are discussed like the money, proving doubters wrong, all the work they both put in to achieve that title, and, of course, the excitement of the fans!

I joined the committee to plan our semi-annual retreat because I have a lot of experience planning these events. But this time I stepped aside to let others organize it. The theme was chosen over my objections, as I preferred the first idea they came up with. I let that go. They chose to not pick breakout topics, but allow the leaders to choose their topics when they signed up. I didn’t think this was a good idea. But, I let that go.

Time has been an underrated and overlooked tool in my sobriety. When I first came into SA I was struck with the overwhelming difficulty of staying sober. Day by day sexual sobriety was a tremendous struggle. I slipped countless times in my first ten months.

This short piece was performed during the variety show at the SA international convention in Seattle last summer. We weren’t sure what to call it — Poem? Spoken word? Rap? Chant? Prayer? Still not sure.

I attended my first SA meeting in 1988 in Nashville, Tennessee. At the time, Roy had nine years of sexual sobriety. Back then, the definition of “old-timer” was three years of sobriety. Roy was years ahead of the “new” old-timers. When Roy died September, 2009 at the age of 82, he had more than 25 years of sexual sobriety. His life and his sobriety were a gift to us all.

Hi. I’m Hal, sexaholic, sober since August 4, 2018. From 2008 into 2018 I was a “chronic slipper.” Thank God I didn’t quit SA before the miracle happened.

Several years ago at work, a new employee was hired into our section. “Shirley” was a drop-dead gorgeous woman. Besides being beautiful, she was intelligent, witty, and friendly. Quickly, I realized that I was getting a crush on her.

In my experience I have realized that SA is like a flowing river. When a new member joins, the river wants to sweep him into recovery. But nobody has pure reasons when one joins, as it says in the White Book. And so sometimes the newcomer resists the current.

I had always thought my Step 9 would be pretty tame. However, there were three or four moments that struck me with the urge to run away from life as I knew it and never look back. One of these was the day I made amends to my mother. My wife was out of town, and mom invited me to do a BBQ with her at a local park. I had been waiting for a few weeks for the opportunity to present itself, and there it was. I agreed.

So, here I am in anticipation after my long journey
Waiting on the hanging canopy swing in the shade of two giant elder pine trees
With my son on the side of my sister’s house in Northern Idaho
It’s a peaceful summer mid-afternoon with a few fluffy clouds in a high blue sky
As my son and I take turns napping on the swing waiting for someone to arrive home

You want 12 Steps, man, now and with no rent just say I can’t [YEAH] and give up your old tent!

As water quenches,
Lungs breathe,
Mothers nurture,
Music soothes.

Over three sober decades in SA there have been quite a few pieces of “bad news” for us sexaholics. They all arise, like our entire program, from our experience, strength and hope. Each issue of Essay under Practical Tools we’ll share some pieces of “bad news”:
• We make a decision to get angry. Then we find something to get angry about. Same with resentment!

Service is a critical part of recovery, but it is one of the most poorly understood Program concepts, in my opinion. I’ve been in the Program for 19 years, and for 17 of those years, my idea of service was flawed. I believed service was about helping addicts only. I did not see it extend outside of these boundaries.

I have been in and out of SA for 13 years and my newest sobriety date in April 7, 2019. Why? I never put recovery first, until now. In the past 13 years there have been periods of sobriety, living as a dry drunk, and acting out and ignoring the Fellowship and the Program.

An issue that was nagging at me for the past few years was the state of my White Book. Pages were falling out and it was frayed in places. This was due mostly because it comes with me everywhere. Even though I have another White Book, my frayed copy has been with me to meetings in eight different countries on three continents, and to many countries without SA meetings. It is always in my backpack.