I can hear my sponsor’s voice, passing on the words from his sponsor and his sponsor’s sponsor: “Things get worse; IT gets better.” I do not have to wonder anymore what IT is. For me, today, IT means life, serenity, acceptance, gratitude, living without expectations, finding the power to be useful and to carry out God’s will for me.

[Excerpts from the SA Correctional Facilities Committee Report from the SA International Conference July 2002 in Portland, OR]
SACFC Committee Members are: Earl H., Southeast; Allen L., North Midwest; John C., Northeast; Keith S., North Midwest; William R., CFC Coordinator

Dear ESSAY,
Last year at this time I picked up a newspaper and turned to Dear Abby for some unknown reason (I know now I was being led). I hadn’t read her column in 20 years. The column was about sex addiction and gave the SA website reference. After visiting the website and Passing or Failing (depending upon one’s point of view) on 18 of the 20 questions, I thought I should find out more about it. Like a true compulsive I ordered every piece of literature from the SA website.

Service work is the greatest gift you can give another sexaholic. This is the practical application of the Seventh Tradition in its purest form. We give money to keep the facilities going; we give of ourselves to keep the fellowship going.

Dear ESSAY Reader,
With two new brochures (To the Newcomer and SA as a Resource for Professionals), a third one on the way (regarding Lust), and our collections of stories and practical experience in the two volumes of the Quintessential Essay, our Fellowship is entering a new phase of its growth. Our hope is that our literature will pass on the Twelve Step program handed to us.

On May 10, 2001 Sexaholics Anonymous held its inaugural meeting at the Parr Highway Correctional Facility in Adrian, Michigan. A year has come and gone, and SA continues to thrive at our facility. We now have two weekly meetings, one on Thursday evenings and the other on Saturday afternoons.

My addiction
came visiting today,
I didn’t let him in the door;
I knew what to say!

I was able to make this decision only after I had identified my false beliefs about God, let go of those old ideas, and identified the beliefs and ideas by which I was going to live my life from that moment forward. As a friend of mine suggested, “You’ve got to start living as if you believe what you believe, and stop acting as if you believe what you don’t believe.”

You, My Lust . . .
You have been my faithful companion. You gave me a feeling of security. When I panicked, you calmed me down. You gave me highs. With you, I really felt alive. You gave me strength.

Over the years I have become more aware of how many people in our fellowship have limited the term “sex with self” to mean masturbation to orgasm. I believe this is a problem. I could never consider limiting the definition to merely meaning masturbation to orgasm.

My recovery experience as a single woman in Sexaholics Anonymous has been deepened and enriched since my first year of sobriety. Many events compel me to share what I have learned in the course of over six years of sexual sobriety.

Dear Editor,
I thought this report from Paul H. might be included in the next ESSAY.

Dear Editor,
Thank you for sending the ESSAY. I continue to read them and what has happened in other people’s lives. I want to thank you for keeping me informed and I want to wish you the best.

SAICO is pleased and proud to announce the addition of a new piece of literature for the fellowship.

Dear ESSAY Reader,
As we move toward summer and possible vacation plans, we hope you will take this issue of the ESSAY along on your travels. Like our sister publication The Grapevine, our goal is that you will be taking a “meeting in print” with you. With ESSAY contributions from you, sharing the experience and hope of your recovery in Sexaholics Anonymous, each issue can move closer to reaching that goal.

The first time I heard about visiting or writing to prisoners was at a SA Conference. It sounded good, but I put off doing anything for the next couple of years because of my fears. Stories about prisoners and what they do to sex offenders fed my fears and led me to procrastinate. Finally, another SA member got an SA meeting started in the Albion State Prison near Erie, PA, where I live.

When weak, I am strong.
When I surrender I’m free.
Live with paradox.

Many of us who have difficulty believing that there is a God or that (S)He will help us, can begin by letting the group be a “power greater than ourselves.” After all, here is a group of people who suffer from the same disease, who have found a way to overcome the problem. Surely that’s more than we have been able to accomplish for ourselves.

Does my marriage permit me to lust, still? Is it my life’s equation that marriage = sex = lust? I suppose that could be. Certainly it would be true for me that there is indeed a very strong association between sex and lust. And if you ask me, “Do you want to be free from lust?” and I was to honestly answer — I would have to tell you, “No, I do not want to be free from lust.”

When we come into the program, all we want is physical sobriety. But we quickly learn that not acting out is not enough. Because real sobriety is living “happy, joyous and free.” The White Book tells us that to maintain physical sobriety and enjoy progressive victory over lust, we have to face the waves of emotion and constant trials of life we were running from when we came into the program.