Some sexaholics say they had euphoric recall—making it sound pleasant. Today, I realize it is addictive craving and delusional thinking.

In my addiction, I isolated. No real friends. No real connections.

There is a good story in the AA Big Book, called “Acceptance Was the Answer.” The author writes, “At last, acceptance proved to be the key to my drinking problem,” and goes on to say, “And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.”

Why do I do things the hard way? For example, the other day I was lying awake in bed and kept slipping into a sexually explicit fantasy. I would catch myself, stop, pray, find myself slipping back into it again, catch myself, stop, pray, and so on.

In a recent counseling session, I heard the well-worn phrase, “There are two types of people in this world….” Immediately I started guessing what my counselor was going to say. Men and women? Bright and stupid? Addicts and co-dependents?

I believe I was a sexaholic at ten years old. I remember at that age undressing the girls in my classroom with my eyes. In my mind the girls were nothing more than robots.

Dear SA,
My Sponsor by Mail suggested I write to SAICO to request being put on the mailing list to receive ESSAY. Receiving and reading it will help me, and I can also share it with our SA group here at the prison.

Thank you for all your hard work! I especially appreciate the new literature and pamphlets. It would be so nice if there were a way to order the White Book through SAICO, if at all possible. Keep up the good work and service. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

How It Doesn’t Work
1. We admitted we were powerless over nothing—that we could manage our lives perfectly, and those of anyone else who would allow us to do so.

Because SA was so new when I came in, there were very few people with even one year’s sobriety. I wanted to hear from people who had a lot of experience, strength and hope in working the Steps. So I started attending a great AA Twelve and Twelve meeting.

Are you struggling as a lone woman in a meeting room full of men? We know how scary that can be! We need to be accessible to the newcomer as well as the old-timer woman. What can we do to help?

In October 2003, three of us sat down to have the first-ever meeting of the Norcross group of SA in northeast Atlanta. At that time there were not many groups meeting in the Atlanta area. We decided that the group would be open to all members of SA, and that the newcomer would be the most important person at any meeting.

Like most children, I was fascinated by my shadow. I loved to see how it was connected to my feet, how it moved with my motions, how it came and went with the sunshine. After a time, however, my shadow became just another part of me, moving through the day. I lost my awareness of its place in my life.

It was a significant revelation when I finally realized that I, as well as other sexaholics, am prone to insane thinking. My sponsor was particularly good at pointing this out—I would begin a sentence with “I think…,” and he would say, “That’s your problem—you’re thinking.”

When I worked Step Eleven for the first time, this new way of praying was shocking. How could I pray without making requests for myself or others? But the Twelve and Twelve is very clear on this—we do not ask for specific things. Period.

For all of the time that I’ve been in recovery I’ve been struggling with the God part, the spiritual part. In my “logical” mind I unquestioningly figured that I had to understand and explain God before l could accept God and live by spiritual principles.

One Year. Through no particular fault of my own, I recently celebrated one year of SA sobriety—one year of celibacy.

When I hit bottom somewhere around end of 1985, my marriage was over and my family was shattered. I was shamed, angry, resentful, and filled with desire for justice and revenge against all the others I was blaming for my situation. I was also aware that no solution was available to me.

At SAICO, we often ask, “How are things? How is the meeting? What is your group doing?” At times, the news is good. What a great day when we hear of a new group starting or another meeting forming! Sometimes the news is not so good. We don’t like to report about meetings closing, but it is a fact of life. Some meetings struggle and do not make it. Good news is to hear that the members make it, even if the meetings fail.

ESSAY does a wonderful job in providing so much information in such a small packet.