In 1992 I founded SA in Melbourne. I immersed myself in service, Step work, sponsorship, conference recordings, local and international conferences. At age 35 I began a period of prolonged sobriety. At some deep level I knew it was unsustainable. Even with all my inventory work, I sensed there was something I had trouble identifying deep inside. After 8 years I lost my sobriety and struggled for the next 10 years.
It happened again. I was cooking the family meal and suddenly an attractive woman I know came to mind. I started thinking about her personality qualities and wondering if maybe God would want me to ask her out. It wasn’t lust, I thought — I was only thinking about her personality!
Time has been an underrated and overlooked tool in my sobriety. When I first came into SA I was struck with the overwhelming difficulty of staying sober. Day by day sexual sobriety was a tremendous struggle. I slipped countless times in my first ten months.
Hi. I’m Hal, sexaholic, sober since August 4, 2018. From 2008 into 2018 I was a “chronic slipper.” Thank God I didn’t quit SA before the miracle happened.
In my experience I have realized that SA is like a flowing river. When a new member joins, the river wants to sweep him into recovery. But nobody has pure reasons when one joins, as it says in the White Book. And so sometimes the newcomer resists the current.
I have been in and out of SA for 13 years and my newest sobriety date in April 7, 2019. Why? I never put recovery first, until now. In the past 13 years there have been periods of sobriety, living as a dry drunk, and acting out and ignoring the Fellowship and the Program.
Long-time SA members were saddened to learn of the passing on July 12, 2018, of John A., an influential member of SA in the early years of the Fellowship. John sponsored many SA members in Baltimore Maryland from the mid-1980s to the 2000s. A lawyer by profession, John stressed the importance for recovering sexaholics to live by spiritual principles.
At first, Step Three for me (“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him”) was just the surrender that I heard talked about in Sexaholics Anonymous meetings.
The Central California subregion held a Step workshop in Sacramento, conducted by a sponsor & sponsee on a Step. After being assigned to share on Step 2, I found out that neither my own sponsor nor any of my sponsees were available to attend. I contacted a member I’ve been sponsoring in prison, asking him if he would prayerfully consider partnering with me as a “speaker.”
Imagine living in a small, plain white-walled cell for ten years with an addiction to lust. Imagine life with no help, no one to confide in and no hope of breaking out of physical, emotional, and spiritual hell.
