I left home at 21 and moved in with my boyfriend. I had been attending college full-time and had two part-time jobs, but I dropped out of school and work so I could spend more time acting out sexually. I felt a lot of shame, so I convinced my boyfriend to marry me. Sometimes we acted out by watching porn. When my husband wasn’t home, I would look at the porn and masturbate. We were both sex addicts, and we raged at each other daily. Lust killed our relationship.

I discovered lust around puberty through a porn magazine and quickly became addicted to masturbation and fantasy women in stories, pictures and eventually clips and movies from electronic sources.

I have to remember that my lust has not gone anywhere since I got into recovery. I’ve just been holding it at arm’s length. If I think I’ve got some sobriety so that now I can relax and I don’t need to work so hard to stay sober, my lust is right there ready to step back front and center in my life.

I am a technophobe, and clumsy at best when it comes to all the gadgets today. I miss the simple life of rotary phones and typewriters! I realize that technology neither caused my disease nor is responsible for my recovery.

One of the greatest gifts in recovery for me has been the realized hope for freedom. I say “greatest,” because I didn’t believe it was possible for me to have freedom from the obsessions and compulsions of my addiction. As an addict I am powerless over lust, so what hope could I have? As I sat in meetings in the earlier years, most of us were still showing up week after week to report on our latest acting out episodes.

I had an idea in my head. My idea was to plant meetings around Scotland. I thought even if it doesn’t help many SAs in Scotland it would probably help keep me sober. I am grateful that I have been sober from lust since December 2008.

On Tuesday December 5th, veteran SA member Dave (27 years sober) arrived in Colombia to share with us his experience, strength and hope. On December 6th he accompanied us to the noon and afternoon meetings, where there was a combined attendance of close to 15 members. On the next day we went to a drug-addiction treatment center, where Dave shared his experience with 9 psychologists and close to 20 addicts.

“Must be nice to go to all those places and have them pay.”
I do hear that said from time to time. First, let me say that I get more out of speaking places than anyone else. I love the chance to share my Experience, Strength, and Hope with others.

Fear is normal and somewhat healthy. It has enabled human beings to survive and flourish. If fear was not a part of the human make up, our ancestors would have either been eaten by lions or tigers, or met some other unfortunate end. I have experienced fear many times in my own life beginning at an early age when my father would angrily yell all the time.

The Old-Timers’ panel in Newark last summer was comprised of Dee (1987), Tom (1987), Pat (1996), Mitch A. (1985), Margo C. (1986), and Harvey A. (1984). Part I was in the December Essay.

I have downloaded what I call a “ringing tone” that rings every day at 12:12. It is now on my smartphone. It has been for almost a year. I may have seen that tool somewhere within an SA document. It helps me remember to be grateful that I have a program in 12 Steps and 12 Traditions. Any ringtone could do the trick.

This can be a very helpful tool to use not only for yourself but to show those you are mentoring and certainly your family members. Whenever you feel disturbed, upset, or bothered, if you are worrying about something, fretting, can’t get it out of your mind, irritated at someone, resent someone, obsessing about a topic or person or object, if there is anything taking up too much space in your brain (a dangerous neighborhood — don’t go in there by yourself!), give this tool a try.

For sexaholics one of the most difficult parts of recovery is that our program is so simple. We have the Steps suggested as a program of recovery and we are told to ask God’s protection and care with complete abandon. Our recovery goal is equally simple: we have a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps.

I am grateful today for Sexaholics Anonymous, and for one year porn free. That is a miracle! I attended my first SA meeting in June 2011, but this is the first time I have celebrated one year. God willing I will stay sober and porn free for the rest of my life.

I’ve just shared a Fifth Step letter from my sponsee, and the room is very quiet. The one whose letter I just shared is ‘spiritually’ in the room. The realm of recovery is beyond concrete and iron bars.

Over all third quarter YTD revenues are (6.64%) over budget. Within the actual components there are actual variances which should be noted. Based on the current third quarter variance revenue report, we remain optimistic that 2017 revenue results will finish above budget targets as convention contributions and literature sales are offsetting the fellowship contribution shortfall.

In Old-Timers Speak — Part One, what does “critical mass of problem and solution” mean to you?

Dear SAICO and CFC members,
Thank you for Essay and your contributions to a Fellowship that is getting me from day to day. Your publications make “meetings” possible for me [in prison]. I hope one day to share the joy I have with others who need it, but until then know that you and your work are a blessing.

Dear Essay readers:
This issue of Essay includes many stories on SA and Technology. As of late November there were about 9,000 downloads and over 1130 views of the newly free electronic June Essay. The September Essay has 2600 downloads and 840 views to date. Our desire to be a global Meeting in Print is well underway.

Are you on a telephone call that’s starting to go on too long or veer into unwanted subjects? The endgame strategy of choice is to begin talking about a Step — any Step, 1 through 12, will do. The conversation will usually end within a minute.