Each morning I try to start my day on the right path. I read from “Answers in the Heart,” meditate, and pray to my Higher Power. I pray for my family, for the other addicts in the world and for serenity, courage, strength, and willingness for myself. I look out the window to try to connect with the world of which I am a part.

All my life, all I wanted was to fit in, to be accepted, and to feel okay about myself. I grew up in a family of multiple addictions, and I was a loner. From very early on I hated myself. I felt trapped, always wishing and waiting to grow up so I could do what I wanted to and have the freedom to get away from it all.

Many of you already know that I have been locked up in Texas for the last 23 years. I was well over 50 years old before I even knew what it was to be someone’s friend. If I was not trying to drag you off to bed, I did not have the time of day for you. Now that is really sad, but it was also very true!

Election of Trustee: Jenny M. elected for a four-year term.
There are still vacancies for both sexaholic and non-sexaholic Trustees. A sexaholic Trustee must have five years of SA sobriety. Trustee candidates need to submit a service resume and a letter of recommendation from their Intergroup to SAICO.

If you are in a painful and seemingly endless cycle of relapse, unable to scrape together a few weeks or just a few days of sobriety AND you are willing to do whatever it takes, then read on.

1. We admitted that we were powerless over whatever it was and that our lives had become confused.

I can’t see my self-centered fear. What others recognize as my obvious self-centeredness, to me is just the “real world,” or the “facts” of my life.

For over thirty years, I was convinced I knew how to put first things first. I had my personal priorities, which usually involved me getting attention or getting ahead in some way. I knew that pleasing other people increased the odds that I would get what I wanted.

This topic really challenged me. I have heard people say that one of the things I have to do in this program is change everything about myself. Well, I have changed many things. I have walked through changes with my heart pounding, knees shaking, and feeling physically sick.

Outside my sixth floor motel room at the San Diego Convention, I can look out the glass door to see and “hear” my palm tree—my temporary sponsor during this Convention. The branches explode outside my room, atop 50 feet of straight, strong, and branchless trunk. The palm tree stands tall and carries a program message to all who are prepared to hear.

I am a grateful recovering sexaholic and an orthodox Jew. I have been obsessed with sex and lust almost as long as I can remember. I can recall at age twelve, sitting in the bathroom in Israel, playing with myself. By age thirteen, I was masturbating compulsively.

In September, three members of the Correctional Facilities Team of our Inter-group completed training to become One-on-One mentors in the County Detention center. Our Team has made two unsuccessful efforts to enter other county jails here in our area. Now, we have been given the opportunity to Twelfth Step some of the prisoners.

My name is Brad and I’m an addict. A SAD addict. That’s not the state of my condition; it’s the state of my life. SAD stands for Sex, Alcohol and Drugs. These aren’t the only addictions I have.

At an international conference sometime in the early 1990s, I was standing at the entrance of the hotel restaurant and I noticed some papers lying by the cash register. I picked them up and read: “Desire for Sobriety: daily renewal with sobriety partners.” I thought, hmmm, probably this wasn’t meant to be left by the cash register.

I think for me, the most important Step was Step “0.” So, before I attempted to do the SA Twelve Steps, I’ve been working on Step Zero. Here’s a format I wrote, answered, and read to my Accountability Partner and my Sponsor.

The Sexaholics Anonymous (White Book) material on the 5th Step provides excellent guidance for both the person presenting and the one hearing the Step. The book says, “Ideally, the Fifth Step should be taken with one’s sponsor…” I strongly agree. The 5th Step is addressed in Chapter 6 of Alcoholics Anonymous, “Into Action.” I encourage you to read these sections of both books prior to meeting with your sponsor.

Are you tired of being told like it is?
Still looking for that easier, softer way?
Had enough of that same old time-tested direction?
Check us out at RENT-A-SPONSOR!!!!

I learned rage and anger early on. Why? I was neglected as a child. I was snubbed by all the beauties in high school. I was rejected by the snobs and socialites and laughed at by the affluent. I was bullied by the big jocks and harassed by the smart alecks. I was a loser at all sports and taken advantage of by the losers who were the only ones I was comfortable with. I know what it is to feel like a nobody and a nothing.

After completing my first four Steps, I wrote this essay describing my first faltering steps in the program. I know that there are others who wrestle with the same kinds of concerns that I had. Therefore, if they read my story, they might be more likely to take advantage of the help that God wants to give them through Sexaholics Anonymous.

Babies are resilient. In their attempts to learn to walk, they fall a thousand times. But they keep trying. They don’t know how to give up; in fact, they have to be restrained from trying too hard.