Dear Roy,
More than 21 years ago I entered the program you founded, and I have wholeheartedly appreciated your dedication to us ever since. Our meeting was already using a sobriety definition clarification similar to that which years later was adopted in Cleveland. This definition made perfect sense to me.

I had been in the program for several years before I finally met Roy K., although I believe we talked over the phone during those first years. I remember Roy’s passion for spreading the message, his courage, and his principles. Those qualities came through clearly in his conversations as well as his writing.

I attended my first SA meeting in 1988 at a Methodist church in Nashville, Tennessee. At the time, Roy had nine years of sexual sobriety. Back then, the definition of “old-timer” was three years of sobriety. Roy was years ahead of the “new” old-timers.

I remember when I first met Roy, in 1983. He appeared nervous around me, but not nearly as nervous as I felt around him. I expected to find a number of sober women who could tell me how to stay sober. I found only a few women, and none of them had six months of sobriety in our program.

I first met Roy—at a distance—when I attended my first international convention in Oklahoma City in December 1985. I had about four months of sobriety back then. Someone pointed Roy out to me but I did not formally introduce myself.

The first I heard of Roy’s death was from a message on my voicemail. I felt a sudden and deep sadness to hear of his passing. For the past 25 and a half years, my life and my recovery have been interwoven with Roy’s. I was first introduced to the concept of sobriety through the SA brochure that he had written.

I would like to share my memories of Roy K., who was perhaps second only to my father in influencing my life for the better.

The General Delegate Assembly met on Thursday and Friday prior to the July convention in Denver, CO. Attendees included 17 Delegates, six Alternates, nine Trustees, one representative from SAICO, and several observers.

During the July 2009 meeting of the General Delegate Assembly (GDA) in Denver, two special letters were read.

When I first came into SA, wrote my Step 0, and came to meetings, I knew what I had to do. I deleted the phone numbers of three guys I had acted out with. I closed down my Instant Messenger program and removed the program from my computer.

The other day, my wife and I were traveling from North Carolina to Florida. She had been on her cell phone for about an hour nonstop. I became annoyed that she was not paying attention to me.

As I was reading Step Into Action, I was reminded of the phrase “My best thinking has gotten me to where I am today!” I started thinking about “my best thinking” prior to recovery and realized that my thinking had been all about me.

What is sober dating? I can only speak for myself. For me, sober dating has been the hardest, most demanding, and most rewarding experience of my life. When I was “out there” in my addiction, I never dreamed I would be able to be in a close relationship with a woman and remain sober from lust and sex. Today, I’m here to tell you that it is possible.

It’s the third Friday meeting of the month in San Francisco. As usual, the room is quieted by a Step Five letter I’ve just read aloud. The letter was written by a prisoner we’ve never met. We’ve heard other prisoners’ stories, but none of the other crazy shares quite compares with this one.

It’s Sunday afternoon and I’m having a great conversation with a fellow SA member about the Eighth and Ninth Steps and the amends letter he is trying to write to his wife. It’s not unusual for me to spend my Sunday afternoons this way, except that this one is happening in the visitation room at the state prison, and today is Father’s Day.

What a life. Great job. Tons of friends and a loving family. Oh, did I mention that I’m insane? Clueless and selfishly delusional, I spent years wreaking havoc on others while projecting the image of Superman. In early 2007, my addiction to Internet pornography landed me in jail.

My name is Scott; I’m a recovering sexaholic serving a 6 1/2 to 13-year prison sentence for sexual abuse. It has been my great privilege to be a sober member of SA since March 24, 2006.

I didn’t want to go to the SA convention, “Serenity in the Rockies.” The title seemed cheesy to me, and I hadn’t experienced anything close to serenity in a long time. But my sponsor had instructed me to go, and I reluctantly agreed.

It’s hard to say exactly when and how I became a sexaholic. At age 10 or 11, I was given a pocket calendar with a picture of a naked woman on it (I was so deeply impressed that today I can still remember the calendar). After that I would often go to the market in my neighborhood looking around for more “sexy calendars” hanging on the walls of the stalls.

Today I know that I’m not in charge of my life. I know that there is a God, and that I owe my continued sobriety to my relationship with Him. But it has taken me a long time to learn those lessons, and I’m still learning them today.