Today the world is adrift on a sea of rapidly shifting mores. Change is accelerating at an unprecedented rate. The last eighty years have surpassed the rate of change of the last eight thousand, and the last thirty have probably surpassed it all. Every aspect of our lives and sexual thinking are affected.

When I’m in my disease I cannot love anyone or anything. Making Ninth Step amends has helped me reach out to God, and God in return has enabled me to feel love for those I have harmed.

As a child I had no exposure to healthy intimacy or communication. My parents had seven marriages between them, and seven children, two of whom I never met. My father left when I was three; my mother remarried when I was in my 20s.

I’m a newcomer to SA. I attended my first meeting on June 20, 2007, in Yonkers, Pennsylvania. The fellowship has been an enlightening experience so far, and I look forward to more growth and understanding.

Where does self-absorption begin? It just is. This is how I remember it: If a woman asked me for help, I would think, “If I help her, I may get a great smile from her, which I would interpret as her expressing approval of me.” I need approval.

Cancer. I hear the word and cringe. I’ve known people who have suffered the wrath of this relentless disease. Some have survived using prayers, surgeries, radiation, and chemo. Some survived one bout to suffer a miserable relapse (or even two or three relapses) years later.

I just wrote the following statement in my journal, and it caused me to burst into tears: “A male friend called me on Monday and asked me how my job search was going.”

Recently, I had a painful experience that knocked me down mentally (I did manage to keep my physical sobriety thanks to the support of God and SA) and showed me once again how cunning, baffling, and powerful this disease is.

Recently, I took my four-year-old daughter fishing. We arrived at the secret fishing hole and set off to find an unoccupied spot. As we followed the wooded path near the calm water, I noticed a man lying in the underbrush.

As I anticipated attending the 2007 Convention, I felt both excitement and fear. Excitement because the idea of meeting lots of new friends in recovery (including people I do service work with) sounded like great fun! But fear at the prospect of traveling to Maryland to meet these people, especially the men.

The 2007 International Convention in Maryland was the first large SA gathering I had attended. I didn’t know what to expect or whether I would feel comfortable being around more than 500 people who are as sick as I am. But I was greatly encouraged by the honesty and sincerity of the people I heard sharing their stories in the breakout sessions.

I just got back from the SA International Convention in Maryland and it was wonderful! But it didn’t start out that way.

When I first came to SA in June 2002, I was miserable and I was single. I didn’t want to be miserable, and I sure didn’t want to be single! My divorce had been finalized just two months before I came to SA, and I was jealous and upset that my newly ex-husband had gotten engaged before the divorce was final.

Why is Chapter Four of Alcoholics Anonymous (44) entitled “We Agnostics” instead of “Those Agnostics” even though some of us entered the program already believing in God? Today, I believe that I act like an agnostic or atheist whenever I turn away from God.

“Pick up trash,” one guy glared.
“Donate to a shelter,” the old-timer shared.

I don’t remember when I discovered Internet pornography, but I know now that I was in trouble from the moment I first saw a hard-core image on my screen. Initially I didn’t think much about it.

It’s after 2 a.m. I need to get up and ready for work at 5 a.m., just three short hours away. I must try to get some sleep. But what if there’s an opportunity for a connection with another lonely heart out there? What if I’m missing something? The East Coast should be waking up by now.

My loving Father,
How did I “come to believe” that You could restore me to sanity? Actually, You know that I’ve known that for a long time. I came to believe that You wanted my healing even more than I did. It was part of the faith I was taught, but it was hidden until it became real to me in a moment of insight years ago; You know how it happened.

One recovery tool that I’ve used for many years is what we used to call “the Dailies.” Years ago, it would involve a phone call, sharing with each other our Gratitudes, Fears, Things to Practice, and Things to Avoid. With the advent of e-mail, I started sending mine to one or two partners first thing in the morning, and I would look for their answers, generally before work.

This sponsor/friend thing has been emotional for both of us. I have so much life stuff going on that I haven’t been dealing with my feelings around our relationship. Part of me doesn’t know how. I’ve never been in this situation before. To be a sponsor is one thing, it’s more cut and dried. A friend is another thing completely; it takes the “conditions” out.