The life I had been living was definitely insane, and my Step One inventory made that very clear. My way had failed, and I had to find a new solution outside my own thinking and willpower. Stories of recovery, and hearing recovery speakers share the depths of their addiction and how their lives were restored, gave me some small hope.

Good morning recovery family. My name is Esty L. from Miami and I am a recovering sexaholic. My sobriety date is February 26, 2012 for which I am never sufficiently grateful. I am the fourth of 15 children. I grew up in a loving home with two devoted parents who did the best they could to provide me with a stable home.

Our program offers us the Promises; but, when we are swept up in the throes of our addiction, those Promises seem far off, transitory, unreal. Though I can only speak from my own experience, strength, and hope, I can attest to those Promises being fulfilled.

My roommate has a cat named Elway, and used to have a dog named Ginger. There is a pet door for the cat and dog that allows them out into the backyard. Ginger was old and had liver cancer, so my roommate put her down last October. Now that there is no dog around, my roommate is concerned that a coyote might attack the cat. We live near enough to wild space that this is a possibility. So we now close the pet door at night.

Hi, David. It’s Max. I wanted to call. I’m having a good day today. Had some lust earlier. I’m surrendering it. I’m feeling pretty good and feeling good about that. I’m grateful for the program and grateful that I don’t have to live in lust. Today I feel like I’m practicing humility and remain teachable.

I arrived 45 minutes late to my first SA meeting. Actually, I was a lifetime late, but that is another story…. It was also the 20th anniversary of the death of my mother and the beginning of my connection to a fellowship of people around the globe that has supported me into my seventh year of sobriety, which has seen fruits in my personal and professional life I would never have even dreamed possible, even before my life fell apart. Other than that, it wasn’t a remarkable evening.

First, I’ve got to take responsibility for myself. Of the dozen or so loners in foreign countries I know of who have not been able to stay sober and where groups have not formed, there is one fact in common: They never found their Dr. Bob. That is, they never found one other sexaholic who wanted sobriety. They tried to do it on their own or have it done for them in a ready-made group. They did not come to the desperate willingness to reach out to another and try to help them. That’s where the grace of God comes in to expel the obsession.

One year into my sobriety (thanks to His grace) I began my first ever 90 days of sexual abstinence with my wife. Then my sponsor gave me the following direction: “We want you to give up your right to drive your car, one day at a time.”

My Step One experience brought me to the bedrock belief that I am powerless over lust, that my life had become unmanageable. That powerlessness resulted in a experiential understanding that I had no control anymore over lust. Lust controlled me, and there was nothing I could do in my effort to change that.

Some time ago I found an unusual black box in the dashboard of my car. It was a SatNav (also known as a GPS) with the initials GOD printed on it. I didn’t program this SatNav, and I do not know the destination. God did that.

At the beginning of my plunge to the bottom, everything looked perfect on the outside. I was well educated, successful in business, had a lovely family, traveled frequently on business. It seemed like life was going well. My inner reality was somewhat different. Business travel presented an ideal opportunity to act out of my lustful fantasies.

There are probably as many ways of practicing humility as there are people in the SA Fellowship, but a few are common to all of us. First, we admit we need help daily. Second, we ask for help. Third, we accept the help we receive. The only condition is that I can’t ask someone to do for me what I can do myself at the time of asking.

What if, just for today, I surrender my fear, my sense of being overwhelmed? What if, just for today, I surrender my ecstasy of successes or accomplishments? What if, just for today, I turn over to my Higher Power the trials and triumphs of the day? What if those surrenders let me focus on the one next right thing I need to do?

When in my first year I was literature chair for my home group, I purchased several anniversary chips for those that may want to carry a nicer anniversary token. At my one-year anniversary as my sponsor was ready to hand out chips, I slid this beautiful one-year token across the table and smiled. He picked it up and looked at it with great admiration. Then he reached in the token box, pulled out a bronze one-year chip, and handed it to me.

For over twenty years I lived in the merciless downward spiral of Lust. As my disease progressed, the unmanageability increased, the consequences were greater, and I was powerless to save myself. By the Grace of God, over 9 years ago I walked into a meeting of SA and was given the gift of freedom. Yet, that gift of freedom did not happen overnight nor by accident. It took many years of good Step work and quality sponsorship to get to a comfortable and clean sobriety.

The so-called 18-Wheeler (“Overcoming Lust and Temptation,” SA 157) has been a series of trust building exercises for me. My sponsor suggested I read one wheel a day, reflect on it, and share my thoughts and experience as I go along.

اولین صحنه‌ای که از کودکی به خاطر می‌آورم این است که در آغوش مادرم خوابیده بودم و از صدای انفجار بمب‌های جنگ و لرزیدن شیشه‌ها و ترس بیدار شدم و بعد از چند لحظه باز به خواب رفتم، خاطره زیبایی نبود و خاطرات تلخ من همچنان ادامه پیدا کردند

Were We Tightwads In 2016?
Well here are the facts: SAICO received $14.53 per SA member in 2016. The central office of another “S” fellowship received $27.20 from each of its members in the same period…. ‘nuff said?

Dear Essay,
Hello! I want to report from the Together And Never Alone Again Convention May 5-7, 2017. I can hardly digest the miracles and blessings that filled our weekend. Only that I cannot be thankful enough to Essay and to the entire fellowship for holding us in your hearts as well as in your prayers last weekend. We felt your support, really.

Dear Essay readers:
In the fall of 2016 an SA member in Helsinki asked, “Why do we need to pay for the electronic copy of Essay?” The answer to his question begins with this issue of Essay: the electronic version of Essay is now available on the sa.org/essay website! This also fulfills the oft repeated desire of Roy K., our founder, to have Essay be available for free to any sexaholic who desires to read it.