Service is a critical part of any recovery program and is one of the most poorly understood parts of Sexaholics Anonymous. For seventeen years my idea of service was flawed and hindered my ability to stay sober. I thought that service was about being of service only to addicts. I am writing in order to help those who may have a similar understanding of service.
Since childhood, I’ve had a recurring, upsetting dream where I found myself standing before my father in fear of punishment. Feeling guilty for engaging in inappropriate behavior with other kids my age, I would just freeze and stare at my dad, unable to look into his eyes, while trying not to show fear or to cry.
The Central California subregion held a Step workshop in Sacramento, conducted by a sponsor & sponsee on a Step. After being assigned to share on Step 2, I found out that neither my own sponsor nor any of my sponsees were available to attend. I contacted a member I’ve been sponsoring in prison, asking him if he would prayerfully consider partnering with me as a “speaker.”
Thankful to God for the opportunity to share the SA experience strength and hope with the prisoner.
Imagine living in a small, plain white-walled cell for ten years with an addiction to lust. Imagine life with no help, no one to confide in and no hope of breaking out of physical, emotional, and spiritual hell.
I often feel helpless in the face of what my godchildren share with me, but despite this I often feel that they help me a lot in my recovery. Unintentionally, they give me ideas that strengthen me. One of those ideas is the importance of service.
I’m a recovering sexaholic and I’m making a program call.” These words are a bit harder to say from the inside of a jail cell. Nevertheless, even while in here I can get current, I can reach out, and I can get out of isolation—just by writing this letter. Even though I’m stuck in a cell 21 to 23 hours each day, I still have the tools to grow in recovery and have a positive sobriety—by doing all I can for the sexaholic who still suffers.
My name is Tucson Ray and I’m a multiple addict including sex addiction. I have been a sex addict since I reached puberty. I discovered masturbation and I couldn’t stop. I masturbated virtually every day, sometimes many times a day, all through my teen years. When I got to age twenty-one, I thought a wife was going to fix me.
While in prison, some of my fellows and I found that we all spoke fondly of one particular board game from our youth. After recounting past glories, we sought to obtain a copy of the game. But the game requires dice, and prisons frown heavily on gambling, so our request to have a copy of the game was denied. With time in abundance (after all, we were in prison), we decided to create our own copy of the game from memory.
Over three sober decades in SA there have been quite a few pieces of “bad news” for we sexaholics. They all arise, like our entire program, from our experience, strength and hope. Each issue of Essay under Practical Tools we’ll share some pieces of “bad news”: • If I am disturbed, the problem is in me. I’d rather be serene than right.
