This may strike you as an unusual title for an article in the Essay. The reason is that I’m writing to invite you to consider becoming part of SA’s outreach into prisons. As you may know, the prison system often identifies inmates by a number. This didn’t mean all that much to me until I became friends with one of those numbers.

It feels so wonderful to have at last an SA meeting here in Greensboro, NC. This meeting came about as a result of our Higher Power expressing himself through the group conscience process. Four weeks ago, after much prayer, discussion and deliberation, our Wednesday night SAA group held a group conscience and voted unanimously to become an SA meeting.

[The Oklahoma City Jan. ’97 SA Convention] was my second convention in the States — the first was of another S-fellowship. What impressed me about this one was the substantial number of members with five to ten years of solid sobriety. There was a very strong emphasis on the solution rather than the problem. It was also great to see so many people from different ethnic and religious groups. It was a great reminder that this disease is no respecter of persons.

First, I’ve got to take responsibility for myself. Of the dozen or so loners in foreign countries I know of who have not been able to stay sober and where groups have not formed, there is one fact in common: They never found their Dr. Bob. That is, they never found one other sexaholic who wanted sobriety. They tried to do it on their own or have it done for them in a ready-made group. They did not come to the desperate willingness to reach out to another and try to help them.

My name is Dave and I’m a sexaholic. In discussing Working Paper #1 (“Practical Guidelines for Group Recovery”) with my group and with other sober members, I kept coming back to the most positive experience in my early sobriety, which represents for me a model of what a group should be. I would like to share it with the fellowship. I believe this was a gift directly from God to me.

When I used to nourish lust thoughts, there was something going on inside me we might call spiritual fornication. Within my spirit I was shutting God out in rebellion, perverting the reality of the lust object to suit my sick need, (splitting myself to create and then imagine that inner partner,) and then having sex with her, which was really having sex with myself. My soul is fornicating whenever it turns from God as Source of life to the substitute (Augustine).

(The following is an extract from a talk given by Roy K. at the Unity Conference in Orange, CA, on October 8, 1995.)
Thank you for bringing us together. I surrender my ego, my fear, all of my defects. I surrender my preparation for this talk and we ask together for Your Presence above all else, that you will dwell in our hearts, be with us as we share together, the exalted, that we may be your servants, helping those who are lost in the tyranny of lust.

Question: “How can SA as a fellowship work the Steps; I thought only individuals could do that?”
Response: “The idea does sound kind of new and strange, doesn’t it? But let’s see what it might look like.”

Our situation as a people coming out of sexual slavery is not unlike the story of the people coming out of bondage from Egypt. Years of enslavement brought them to utter despair, crying out to God for help. Through an amazing series of events. they were led out—often kicking and screaming in unbelief—only to find themselves wandering in the wilderness. Free at last, on the outside, they soon discovered the harsh reality that theirs was a spiritual malady inside. The severity of withdrawal brought back the craving for the old way of life.

Dying: Admit I am powerless over lust; that my sex, sexuality, orientation and relational misconnection are unmanageable.

Hi, my name is Mike, and I’m a recovering sexaholic. And I’m grateful to be here sober tonight through God’s grace, and all of you people. A couple of years ago we had Thanksgiving dinner at my house for the first time. My whole family came. I figured I should say something before we all ate, but I knew there were lots of things going on in the family, so I didn’t know quite what to say.

Hi, my name is Roy and I’m a sexaholic. None of you knew this, but all of the speakers got together and designed the perfect program, just so we could all complement each other [laughter].

I’m Harvey, a sexaholic. You know, talking about spirituality as a separate topic here makes me think a great deal about how to talk about spirituality as a separate topic, because all weekend we’ve been talking about spirituality. I was told many years ago, there is no spiritual part of this program, it IS a spiritual program. So in thinking about talking about spirituality, I thought I would share with you some things that have happened recently that to me are the essence of spirituality.

We are now setting about building a new “house” for SA, that is, a new Central Office as well as a new organizational structure. I would like to share some of my personal feelings and experience with you who are involved in this task.

Hello. I’m Harvey A., a sexaholic. I thought of all kinds of openings, but the one I want to say is how much I love my wife. She’s been having to bathe me, she’s been having to drive me, she had to put my socks on. This is a woman who … no woman should have to go through what she went through from my disease.

The Politically Correct Policeman (PCP), loosely defined, is a fellowship junky who considers it his job to flag anything in the literature or at meetings that might embarrass newcomers, minorities, or women. The idea is that no one gets offended. Currently I’m in my 10th year of recovery from Politically Correct Policeman-ship in 12-Step fellowships.

(The following is an extract from a talk given by Roy K. at the Socio-Psychosomatic Clinic in Bad Herrenalb, Germany, in November 1985. Roy’s audience consisted primarily of members of 12-Step Fellowships.)

“Some will be willing to term themselves ‘problem drinkers,’ but cannot endure the suggestion that they are in fact mentally ill. They are abetted in this blindness by a world which does not understand the difference between sane drinking and alcoholism.” (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 33.)
I believe these words apply more to me, the sexaholic, than to me, the alcoholic. I first heard these words in AA—I realized I was an alcoholic before I knew I was a sexaholic—but in sobriety I found it difficult to believe I was mentally ill.

Newcomer comes into the Program: Sees the light. Goes to meetings. Stops acting out. A change takes place, and he or she knows it. Something’s different. There’s a sense of impending joy. There’s recovery in the air, and they get caught up in it. Maybe there’s a way out after all! Starts talking the talk.

Looked at from the outside, nothing appears weirder than SA. When I first heard of it, I laughed out loud. When I heard they were against masturbation and sex before marriage, I just felt sorry for them. (Much like the way I felt at the references to God in the AA Big Book three years earlier.)