My first meeting at the Sunday Night McLean Group (Virginia, USA) was nearly two years ago. At the time, the meeting was exclusively on Zoom. One of the older members messaged me and asked if I was a newcomer. I was too afraid and full of pride to be honest with him. I wasn’t sober then. I know I didn’t sound sober, either. He was just glad I was there. This has been my home group ever since.
Our intergroup had their first spring retreat this year, after 3 years of COVID restrictions. Since I joined SA 3 ½ years ago this was the first time I was able to go and I jumped at the chance. My home group is a two-hour drive away so I have not been to a face-to-face meeting with them in 3 years though 2 other members live close by and the 3 of us do meet every 1 or 2 weeks. I have been waiting to see the bigger world of SA for some time. This retreat was my chance.
Newcomer meetings—I love them! Newcomers remind me every time how deep I was in my active addiction myself, and I need such a reminder. But more important than that, at a first meeting, I can show that recovery is possible and I have an opportunity to be of service.
Recently, I was working Step Two with a sponsee of mine and God decided to grace me with a revelation that has completely changed how I see my recovery. As this revelation is still settling within me, I ask God to give me the clarity of thought, the presence of mind, and adequate words to be able to relate this spiritual experience.
Step 4 was not an easy one for me. After a lifetime of burying feelings, it was hard for me to recognize when I was feeling resentful and afraid. But I did my best knowing that it doesn’t need to be perfect and that I will have my whole life to go back and rework the Steps as I continue to grow.
I had the opportunity to serve on a Friday night last February at an event that I had wanted to serve at for five years, but before never had felt ready to serve because of my addiction.
During the Covid pandemic, I returned to Ireland after many years teaching in Asia. I spent two weeks living in quarantine in a remote cottage in the countryside. I used to join the daily mid-day Irish SA phone meetings which helped me to stay sober one day at a time.
Dear Essay, Part of me is a grateful recovering sexaholic. God has kept me sober since 12/17/17, and all I have is today. My sponsor suggested I write this letter, and it’s a great opportunity to reflect on my recovery and God’s work in my life. I am convinced that any success I’ve enjoyed is due to God. The Third Step Prayer says “please take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love and Thy way of life”. My hope and prayer is that the letter bears witness to God and his ability to bring beauty from ashes.
Isn’t it ironic: in our disease, we had no choice but to act out; we simply had to; but in recovery, our hearts change and we have no choice but to reach out—we simply have to. Everyone who gets sober, who begins to experience the fruits of recovery wants, as a natural consequence, to help others get sober, especially newcomers.
It has been very important for me to complete my SA Twelve Step work with my sponsor. It has been equally important to keep all SA letters and worksheets to show to my parole board that I have been taking actions to get better. They have been looking to see whether I am sober from my active addiction, and have a post-release support group.
