I came into SA in 1987 in Los Angeles. I attended meetings, went to international conferences, had three sponsors in succession, made as many as four phone calls every day and followed directions from those three sponsors. I was never sober for the first six years.

Sometimes when I am on edge, I want to take in lust to calm myself. I obviously can’t look at porn or masturbate (or act out with another person). Because I would lose my sobriety and I’d have to disclose my actions to my wife. So my disease whispers in my ear that a “euphoric recall” is the perfect answer. I tell myself, “This will take the edge off my anxiety – and I haven’t taken any action of lust.”

Can I differentiate the true from the false? In my disease, I never thought about that question prior to recovery. It simply did not matter. I am a pleasure seeker. What makes me happy or comfortable was what was important. In recovery, I have the opportunity to examine my beliefs and ask the God of my understanding to help me see the truth.

The February edition announced a new practical tool called “The Game.” After a successful pilot project in November with six teams of four members each, The Game was kicked off for the worldwide fellowship on April 4.

One of the most effective Practical Tools is HUMOR.
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was completely lost. He was overwhelmed, in despair and utter bewilderment. He saw a person on the ground and yelled down to him, “Can you help me? I don’t know where I am.”

Those of us with a little experience in recovery know the various strategies of the “18-Wheeler” for dealing with a lust hit (SA 157). I would like to add a “Number Zero” to the list. I have learned through prayer and through discussion with my daily sobriety renewal partner that part of the power of a lust hit is in the belief that the object of my lust has something I do not.

Recently, I was exposed to someone who tested positive for COVID-19. I had symptoms, so I called my physician who referred me to a “drive thru” test site for the virus. After the test was conducted, I promptly pulled my car into a parking lot while gripping the steering wheel, feeling so alone and afraid.

All my life I have been surrounded by loved ones with fatal and sometimes incurable diseases. The first person I knew to pass away from a disease was a three-year-old girl named Amy, who died of leukemia. My mother just finished chemotherapy for B-cell Lymphoma.

Hamed describes how he wasn’t making enough use of the tools, hadn’t told everything, didn’t really work the Steps, had his own interpretation of the sobriety definition, etc.

I love how simple this program is. Being someone who overthinks, I start obsessing over what I need to do about this or that. If I make a mistake or don’t do something, I immediately think I’m going off the rails into a relapse. None of that is true. We are practicing 24 hour living. I can start my day over at any time. I can make adjustments to get back on course.

Dear Essay readers,
Our Fellowship continues to attract more and more young people from all over the world—men and women who learn from the experience of those who have gone before them and do not have to descend so deep in the bottomless abyss of the addiction. You can devour their stories under the heading “Young & Sober in SA.”

SA holds an International Convention twice a year in January and July. Each convention is organized and run by a local Intergroup with help from the International Conventions Committee (ICC).

The pandemic has fundamentally changed the way members connect with each other. Where once a long-established home group might receive an occasional visit from an out-of-town member, nowadays members routinely pick and choose meetings from across the globe, “Zooming” or dialing in at the touch of a button. While this technology is a blessing, there are concerns that it might undermine the familiar structure of the SA fellowship; concerns too that this technology can be open to misuse.

It all started over nine years ago but that story is for another day. Fast forward to about one year ago. Let’s say from the start that this whole story was inspired by an Amazing Loving Higher power. Three members of the Australian Newcastle Monday night Beginners Group formed a SA Prison Committee.

The very first 100% online SA/S-Anon International Convention took place from Jan 22 till 24 and was an incredible event gathering fellows from all over the world. There were 955 SA registrants, and 685 S-Anons and 12 S-Ateens, which makes it the biggest IC in our SA history!

None of us can carry the pain of finality of letting go alone. That’s why we are here. Lean on us. The best advice a guy gave me in a meeting one day was, “Be a burden.”

Once a beachhead is established, defeat of the enemy is inevitable. Even if the first sallies out of the beachhead meet with stiff resistance and are driven back, it doesn’t matter; once a beachhead is established, enemy collapse is assured.

Recently, I have been attending meetings where the readings were taken from our Recovery Continues book. In one meeting, we read: “Lust is a function of my ego, just as resentment is. I, the lord of my life—lord over that lust object and over that resentment object—unleash a spiritual force against them both, against their wills, perverting the reality of their person to suit my twisted need. What is that negative connection? Why must I keep on making it? So I won’t have to look at myself.” (RC 43)

I have been struggling with my 9th Step for almost a year now due to Covid and all that not being able to travel freely. But in the past two months at the encouragement of my sponsor I have discovered writing letters like this and have found much freedom in them:

Thank you for your time, Art. Could we start by asking how old you were when you joined SA and the length of your sobriety?
I was 44. I’m 80 now, with 35 years of sobriety. When asked how does one stay sober for 35 years, I say: “One day at a time, keep surrendering lust, and one day at a time, don’t die!” I’ve been blessed with the gift of sobriety and with longevity.