I grew up as a kid in San Diego. My parents fought a lot. When I was seven years old my mother committed suicide. I became afraid, lonely and isolated. After my mother’s death I started going to religious services with my father. He became very involved with religion and I absorbed what I could. I felt so uncomfortable in my skin. I wanted badly to fit in.

I have been going through a rough patch in my recovery. For the last few weeks and months I have been coasting. Today is 501 days of sobriety. That is 1 year, 4 months and 2 weeks of sobriety. When I walked back into these rooms I was on fire. I had to stay sober. My life depended on it. As I gained sobriety life was getting better. My wife started to like me again.

1. Each morning I look at the sign over my bed that says “Good Morning. This is God. I will be handling all your problems today; I will not need your help. So, relax and enjoy the day.” It reminds me that I am his child whom he loves, regardless of what I have done or not done.

I am forever grateful to God for sound mind, body, and spirit.

“Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick.”
My thoughts:

I have been a person who, despite having studied humanistic subjects, always lived a life in which the center of everything was me. I did not serve anyone. Rather, with few exceptions, I served myself all and everything.

I came to SA looking to stop ruining my life. I never knew that the key to this was service work. I have been in SA since 2001 (with a long break for research and development). I have never been willing to do what my sponsors asked. I would do half of what a sponsor asked me to do. However, Page 59 of the AA Big Book states “Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point.”

You have been there for my husband through our entire marriage, but you have been a disaster! You have been a stress and anxiety release for him, while causing more for me. You have been there when my husband watched TV, viewed pictures, watched porn, took showers, even next to me in bed. You were there with his fantasies about others, about me.

It seems like only yesterday that my old friend and sponsor, Jess L., shared with me a wonderful story. He said that there once was a world-renowned football team that had successful seasons year after year. One year, however, things were not going well for the team. They were certainly not playing their best. Their famous, well-respected coach felt it was time to intervene.

In a recent meeting a member expressed his envy of so-called “normies,” men whose reactions to sexual stimuli seem to be less intense or more controlled than those that characterize sexaholics. I understood the sentiment and shared it, but also had other reactions to the notion of normality.

Since 1997 I have been a member of SA and a minister of a church. I have seen some members who have trouble with sobriety because they do not see the difference between religion and spirituality. Some want to rely on prayer to take away the addiction, and they don’t do the steps. Some go to “church” recovery groups which can be helpful, but rigorous honesty is very difficult in a group of mixed addictions.

The SA Correctional Facilities Committee is seeking the experience, strength, & hope from any & all SA members who have served, or are currently serving, time in prison, who have benefited from the SA program through CFC services, whether by working with a sponsor, reading our literature, attending meetings, etc. Stories will be recorded anonymously for an outreach video project. Please send responses to – calsacfc@gmail.com

A detailed donations report is enclosed with mailed issues of Essay, or is available from saico@sa.org. We thank SA members who generously contribute so that we may continue to carry the SA message to the sexaholic who still suffers.

The author of “Emotional Sobriety” identifies with the depressions experienced by Bill W. and his discovery of emotional sobriety.

Dear Essay,
Over the last several years I have noticed that speakers at International, regional, and even local meetings are not really sharing the pain of what got them to SA. They skip over the past with vague generalizations, so as to get to the recovery part and “focus on the solution.” I think this is misguided. As a newcomer, I need to hear the problem, so I know you understand what I am going through.

Dear Essay readers:
This issue of Essay includes many stories on “Humility: Being Right Sized.” Your next issue in December will focus on “Service Work as a Gift.” Please send in any stories or short articles on your experience with Service Work! Future topics are: February, 2019: Sobriety and Relationships; May, 2019: Open-mindedness. Let us hear from you at essay@sa.org

A sexaholic is energetically doing chores around the house and yard. The partner knows from experience that this behavior is probably “chore-play.”

The question of whether technology can foster wholly spiritual recovery is being further explored within the International region of Sexaholics Anonymous. As a user of technology to communicate thoughts around the planet, I was nonetheless skeptical when I heard about last year’s Geek Camp.

During the July SA International Conference in St. Louis the Essay had the pleasure of meeting Helmut M. from Germany. Since 1989 Helmut has provided the translations of SA literature into German. During visits to Germany Roy K. stayed with Helmut in his home. He later stayed with Roy and Iris in Simi Valley, California.

Over a weekend in early September the New Mexico “S” Fellowships held their 18th annual retreat. The retreat welcomes all 12-Step fellowships in New Mexico in support of the sex addict. Represented this weekend were: SA, SAA, SLAA, SCA, S-ANON, and RCA.