Attitude is a word I thought I understood when I first arrived at Sexaholics Anonymous, but really I did not understand it at all. A new heart was something that I thought I did not need when I arrived at SA, but I was wrong.

After five years of sobriety and co-ed religious formation, I thought I could be like normal people and have healthy friendships with the opposite sex. I had made many female friends in the previous years, women I hoped I could see as sisters and live in freedom.

I have three things to share on the topic of forgiveness.
#1: Why Forgive?
The first, and most important, concerns why I forgive people. In a nutshell: I forgive because it helps ME.

A brief SA CFC report:
I visited with the Israeli CFC committee (ICFC) and discussed utilizing SA for released prisoners. While there is some support, the rules of the Israeli prison structure condone only officially sanctioned offender programs. SA is not one of them. ICFC is determined to continue identifying potential allies who might be able to bring SA’s message to the bureaucracy.

The SA Fellowship continues to grow in multiple dimensions. While this growth may be challenging to the budgeting process, it is welcome as a result of the Fellowship’s on-going services to carry the message to those who still suffer.

Harvey and his wife had a destination planned for an SA event. God had other plans.

Dear Sir or Madam,
Many thanks for putting ESSAY on the internet for us to have free download.

Dear Essay readers:
This issue of Essay includes many stories on “Sobriety and Relationships.” Our next issue in May 2019 will focus on “Open Mindedness.” Please send in any stories or short articles on your experience with Open Mindedness in sobriety. Future topics are August, 2019: SA At 40 Years! October, 2019: Prison Issue. Let us hear from you at essay@sa.org

I have gratitude for the wonderful SA International Conference just completed in Madrid, Spain and want to share a HP moment. I came home believing I could go most anywhere in the world today and find an understanding SA friend to welcome and listen to me.

I am sitting here on a Madrid to Edinburgh flight waiting to take off. Last Friday I walked to the convention center. I knew I had not registered. Having emailed two of the core committee I knew the important thing was that I got to the center. Soon after entering I offered to help the registration team with the influx of 300+ members wanting to register.

After the Madrid Convention some remaining members gathered at the Prado Museum. The Prado is such an amazing museum, so much fantastic art that it can be overwhelming.

A fellow Spanish speaker asked, “Will you come to the International Convention?” With sadness I answered, “I can’t go, I don’t have enough money to travel from Colombia, South America to Spain.” He told me, “but it is the first Convention that will be translated into Spanish and English and you are the delegate of the Latin American Region …” I prayed to my Higher Power to put myself in Its hands. My friend told me to ask for help. To my surprise the help arrived!

The excellent SA International Convention in El Escorial outside Madrid was a great success with over 300 SAs and regional S-Anons in attendance. The facility and the global audio streaming (with up to 50 SA listeners for each session) and the major talks were inspiring. Translations were provided by hard-working volunteers.

When I walked through these doors, all I knew was that I had screwed up, got caught, and wanted to get out of my predicament. My wife was ready to end 38 years of marriage and be rid of me—and my mood swings, impatience and insatiable demands for sex. I got a sponsor and began the Steps.

My wife and I were asked to give a SA/S-Anon workshop in Toronto. We planned a vacation around this trip, including driving to St. Louis from Nashville and then continue the drive to Toronto via Niagara Falls. This was a bit optimistic for a 79 year old man, but sanity has not been one of my stronger qualities!

My first meeting in SA was in Jacksonville, FL Monday night at 7 p.m. I was more of an outsider looking in at that time. I would come in, say a few words maybe, and mostly keep to myself. I saw people successfully working a program and doing what was suggested to them by their sponsors and in the literature.

The ancient Japanese art of Kintsugi incorporates mixing of gold or silver dust with lacquer to join broken pieces of pottery or ceramics together. Not only is there no attempt to hide the damage, but the respair is literally illuminated and the repaired object becomes more valuable than the original.

Motivation is fleeting,
Despair is seeping,
Slowly I’m sinking into myself.

For many years in my adult life, even after coming to SA, I did not enjoy the year end holiday season. Even after celebrating Christmas seasons with my son and my ex-wife, I have struggled with a sour and grumpy attitude about the whole experience. During the last five to ten years of my “sober” marriage with my current wife, my dark holiday cloud at times brought her to tears.

In my last home there was a sump pump in my crawl space to remove excess storm water. It was a real piece of work — the wrong type of pipe was used to install it, the backflow prevention device didn’t work, several supports were missing causing the pipe to sag in places, and somebody had wrapped a broken 90 degree fitting with electric tape to try and stop a leak.