When I first came to SA I did not know how fast to leave after the meeting. I did not want to be there. I did not believe it to be fun at all! That was more than 4 years ago. Since then a lot has changed. I frequently crack up before, after or even during a meeting. There are some real jokesters here in SA Amsterdam. Especially jokes about recovery or the struggles we are going through make me laugh. But it doesn't stop there.
This morning I was praying. During my prayer ritual I received a message from an SA fellow. He asked me to write an article for Essay on the topic of Fun in Recovery. It was surprising to me, because at that very moment I was thanking God for my friends and for the fun we have when we spend time together.
“If newcomers could see no joy or fun in our existence, they wouldn’t want it.” (AA 132) Such was my experience when I attended my first SA meeting in Manchester, UK, back in the winter of 2003. SA was still very new here, and there were very few members, hardly any of them sober. There was no welcome, no joy, no message of a positive and joyful sobriety. “And this is what SA is all about?”, I thought.
When Autumn arrives and the weather in Northern Europe turns damp and windy, it's nice to think back on pleasant times in recovery. I attended the regional convention in Israel in May 2015. It was a lovely venue. As the convention was ending, we heard that there was going to be an SA tent camp by Lake Galilee afterwards, organized by a UK old-timer and Israeli members. I signed up straightaway.
I'm Jesse and I'm a sexaholic. I'm very grateful to SA for its limited membership requirements. I meet ALL the requirements. I have a desire not to lust, and I want to be sober (Tradition 3). I've been sexually sober since June 9, 2013, and for that I'm very grateful.
There was a time when I wondered why God brought me into this world. I always felt that my life was meaningless. I had such difficulty fitting in and belonging anywhere. My childhood was very difficult, full of traumas. I could never understand why I had to go through it all or what purpose all that pain served. Lust entered my life at age six when a family member sexually abused me.
A few days ago one of my dearest friends came up to me with good news. “I have a boyfriend!” she said. I was so happy for her. She really deserves it. I was always asking myself why someone as beautiful, kind and smart as she is wasn’t in a relationship. I even thought that maybe she had some kind of problem, like my sexaholism. Then it struck me that now I was (and still I am) the only single girl amongst my various groups of friends.
Loneliness, rejection, and fear have acted as a soundtrack in my head for as long as I can remember. They form rhythm and melodies filled with dissonance. Each track is made complete with a verse, chorus, and bridge:
Laughing is part of recovery! Here is one of my favorite AA jokes:
Your thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated. Your letter was not anticipated so receiving it made it all the more special. I am grateful to have had 18 months between being “busted” and being arrested in which time I was able to become sexually sober, attend SA meetings, work the Steps with a sponsor, reunite with old friends in AA, and receive professional therapy.
