The ancient Japanese art of Kintsugi incorporates mixing of gold or silver dust with lacquer to join broken pieces of pottery or ceramics together. Not only is there no attempt to hide the damage, but the respair is literally illuminated and the repaired object becomes more valuable than the original.

Motivation is fleeting,
Despair is seeping,
Slowly I’m sinking into myself.

For many years in my adult life, even after coming to SA, I did not enjoy the year end holiday season. Even after celebrating Christmas seasons with my son and my ex-wife, I have struggled with a sour and grumpy attitude about the whole experience. During the last five to ten years of my “sober” marriage with my current wife, my dark holiday cloud at times brought her to tears.

In my last home there was a sump pump in my crawl space to remove excess storm water. It was a real piece of work — the wrong type of pipe was used to install it, the backflow prevention device didn’t work, several supports were missing causing the pipe to sag in places, and somebody had wrapped a broken 90 degree fitting with electric tape to try and stop a leak.

My disease destroyed the relationship between my father and me. He was a dominant alcoholic, disapproving of everything I did. Phone calls with my father ended with me throwing my phone to pieces against the wall. I believed this was a reasonable reaction for someone with a father like I had. I always acted out after calling him. My resentment against my father was fuel for my sexaholism.

In my experience, I see sobriety as a calm lake that reflects a blue sky, without clouds, without anxiety. I remember that when I had a relapse it was as if someone (myself) had thrown an immense rock and the waters on the surface of the lake were shaking, leaving my mind, my sensations, confused and altered, with anxiety to consume more and more.

I believe the SA newcomer has three levels of disturbance: temptation, obsession, and compulsion. The last level, compulsion, has to be broken first. This is done by the newcomer following every suggestion of the sponsor. When a sponsor suggests an action, I immediately face a decision: follow the sponsor’s suggestion or do what I want to do.

The last two weeks have been a huge opportunity for me to grow along spiritual lines. As always, if I just look, I can see how everything is interconnected, and teaching me new spiritual lessons.

As with a lot of things in the Program, I grew into sponsorship. First, I had to learn to be a good sponsee and work my own program well. Then when I began sponsoring, I learned from my sponsees. Here is what I have learned so far.

As I sit here in meditation, it is dawning on me the biggest threat lust has on me is it takes the cord of my soul and plugs it into myself, as the White Book suggests. It is absolutely impossible for me to be truly present for my wife, my kids, and real-life significant relationships.

For me this is a Program of action. I use a handful of coins with newcomers as a tool to explain Steps 1 through 3.

I would like to share how the program has given me the gift of lowering the volume of my fears. I cannot say that they are totally gone, but today I can live with them. I used to wake up in the morning with a feeling of dread when facing the day. The day scared me: the responsibilities, the fear of disappointing, the fear of surprises.

He sido una persona que a pesar de haber estudiado una carrera humanística siempre viví una vida en la que el centro de todo era yo. Yo no le servía a nadie. Más bien, y salvo pocas excepciones, me servía de todos y de todo.

Recently I asked the Illinois Department of Corrections for permission to start a Sexaholics Anonymous meeting. They denied my request, saying that they use a research-based model in the treatment of addictions. I was dismayed. While there are many components in an addiction, there definitely is a spiritual aspect. Can research be made on a process that takes place in the heart?

Your SA International Central Office continues to grow in personnel and in service to the SA Fellowship. Groups and Intergroups that can donate to SAICO make this possible. Subscribing to the print Essay is a vital outreach tool. Thank you!

In My Story – I Will Be Okay the author describes some tough beginnings and how he fought using our program tools.

Greetings Essay,
I am the Chairperson for the Correctional Facilities Committee in the St Louis area. I had a recent experience talking with the Department of Corrections of the State of Illinois. From this interaction, I put down some of my thoughts about the spiritual nature of addiction.

Dear Essay readers:
This issue of Essay includes many stories on “Service Work As A Gift.” Our next issue in February will focus on “Sobriety and Relationships;” Please send in any stories or short articles on your experience with Relationships in sobriety. Future topics are listed on the previous page. Let us hear from you at essay@sa.org

A Polish SA meeting suggests that we might work Tradition 5 with a man-on-the-street approach. Słuźby is Polish for “service.”

Dave T. (the Stringman) recently visited Australia with the support of various International SA committees, for which the Australian SA fellowship is extremely grateful. Dave came to Australia because we want and need to hear from the sober old-timers while they still can make the trip to the other side of the world!