Dear Essay readers:
This issue of Essay includes many stories on “Traditions: Relating with Others.” Your next issue in October will focus on “Humility: Being Right Sized.” Please send in any stories or short articles on your experience with Humility! Future topics are: December, 2018: Service Work as a Gift; February, 2019: Sobriety and Relationships; May, 2019: Open-mindedness. Let us hear from you at essay@sa.org

There is no “I” in Team — and there is a “we” and “I” in weird.

The Saint Louis SA International Convention lived up to its theme of Gateway to a New Freedom. Events began with the annual July meetings of the Trustees and the Delegate Assembly. Thirty-two delegates and alternates from around the world and eight Trustees were present. Ten or more observers were also present from time to time.

Dublin Regional Assembly was held from Friday – Sunday, June 22–24. There were 170+ registered including 25 S-Anon members. Participants came from 16 nations and spoke 12 different languages. This included people from the USA, Germany, and Austria. Irish hospitality at the St. Patrick’s University campus was fantastic. The space and environment were wonderful and it was easy to access the airport and city.

By the grace of God, we celebrated the 15th birthday of SA fellowship in Iran on May 10th. Nearly 700 SA members, men and women, from all over Iran gathered for this anniversary celebration.

Last year’s Geek Camp, which brought together 600 SA members sharing online around the world for one day, was a big success.

Here’s an important principle for me to remember: “Selfishness—self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.” (AA 62)

As I worked the Steps, I had difficulty staying focused because I had looked ahead and knew Step Nine was in my future, and I was scared. My sponsor kept telling me, “Don’t worry. When you get to Step Nine, you will be ready.”

I grew up in India with a devout Hindu mother, an atheist physician father, Muslim friends, and attending a Catholic boarding school. Although I was exposed to multiple faith traditions growing up, I never considered myself religious and rarely thought deeply about God. I would occasionally selfishly pray before exams.

I often make sense of the principles of the program through images. When I think of unmanageability—the second part of the First Step—the image that comes to mind is a big warehouse store run by one guy who is intent on doing everything by himself. And, obviously, there is too much to do.

When I was sixteen years old I was caught having sex with my girlfriend. We had skipped school and headed to my house. A few hours later my parents came through the door. I was busted. I remember the embarrassment, anger, and disappointment I saw on my parents’ faces. At sixteen I was a full blown sexaholic, I just didn’t know it yet.

Two weeks ago I had cataract surgery in my right eye. It was easy and painless, and I recommend it. The additional benefit was that it changed my way of looking at things. All I have to do right now to see the change is to close my right eye and look at the world…dark, blurry and yellow-tinged. This is my old way of seeing things. Then I close my old eye and look at the world through my corrected lens…light, clear and sharp.

My name is Martin and I am a sexaholic from Berlin, Germany, sober since August 2014 thanks to my Higher Power and the Fellowship. I want to share about my first year in sobriety.

Deep down I knew what was happening inside, but now it is time to swallow my pride.

WOMEN SA MEMBERS!!
There’s a great new service project being worked on, and we need YOUR help!

From where does your group get SA literature? Who provides informational packets to individuals trying to start a new group? Who helps the desperate sexaholic connect with a group, or another member? From whom can you obtain information about meetings and contacts when traveling? Who provides online registration for our International Conventions?

I fell hard into the Internet. There I found a world where forbidden things were freely available. At first, I enjoyed this secret place where there was no right or wrong. So I stayed there longer and longer each day. Before long, my seemingly harmless online meetings turned into infidelities. I cheated frequently, after more than fifteen years of faithful marriage.

From the time I was a kid I never liked teams. I didn’t want to lose because some teammate screwed up. If I messed up a bunch of people would hate me for making them lose. And if I’m the prime factor in helping a team win, the credit will be spread out among a bunch of others. By my logic it was better to solo have the credit and control of winning or losing.

In 1993, my wife and I led a church singles ministry. During a pool party at a single’s house while playing catch, my six-year-old son looked at me and said, “Daddy, why do you keep looking around? Why don’t you just play catch with me?” I believe that was the first time anyone spoke to me about my looking at the women around me.

My wife and I were babysitting two of our grandchildren for the weekend. On Saturday afternoon I was keeping my grandson company, lounging next to him on the couch with my legs up on a hassock as he watched his favorite television program.