Grief was foreign to me. I had not experienced it as close as I did until my Dad passed away in June 2021. We were planning for a Father’s Day lunch just two days before he had an accident that caused some head injuries. Three days later, we were planning for his funeral.

I am Harvey A. My sobriety date is March 8, 1984. I can hardly believe that I am now 81 years old and have been sexually sober for more than 37 years.

I came into SA on February 26, 1999 and by the grace of God and numerous miracles have stayed physically sexually sober since that day. SA did not emerge in Australia until about 1988 in Wentworthville, Sydney and a group in Melbourne that initially met on a park bench. All of the original founding members had ties to AA but have now passed away or left the program.

I came to my first SA meeting in Karlsruhe, Germany, on Sunday, May 26, 1985. I was one of three newcomers at a meeting of 20 men and women. As newcomers we were required to give a brief First Step in the form of answering set questions. Before I came to the meeting, I threw out my pornography. I also threw out phone numbers and addresses of women I knew from other 12-Step fellowships. I stopped acting out sexually.

Once I was in the parking lot of a shopping center, when I was approached by a pretty young woman who had worked as a waitress in a restaurant that I used to go to. Nothing unusual about that. Any time I was in the restaurant she simply took my order. But now, she told me she had lost her job and, stuck for money, said she would supply “whatever I wanted.”

Sobriety began for me in Nashville in May 1986. We were a small band of six or seven persons meeting once per week trying to avoid the terrible consequences of our acting out.

I am a female member in Iran. When I came to SA in 2010, there were no other female members in my city, no meeting space, no Intergroup and no White Book or Step Into Action book. Apart from the AA Big Book and 12&12, we had only a few SA pamphlets translated into Persian.

My sponsor kept repeating “It’s a simple Program, you just need to work on it,” when I complained to him that I could not stay sober. I came to my first SA meeting on my birthday in 2009. Since November 14, 2011, I have remained sober thanks to my Higher Power and SA.

What was the fellowship like in my early days of recovery? According to what I remember and knew, it was: certainly not ideal! We had no published literature but used PDFs and printouts. We didn’t have SA materials to work on the Steps but used materials from other fellowships. Multiple-year sobriety was something unusual.

In January 2009 I went to my first SA meeting. On the literature table I found a copy of the Essay magazine. It contained a funny recovery joke. I truly had to laugh! It was the first time I found out recovery can be fun. Until then, my experience with trying to recover in another S-fellowship was mainly depressing and gave little hope.

I came to SA at the beginning of 2008. At that time SA in Poland was very small. There were only four meetings (three in Warsaw and one in Krakow) and about fifteen participants. We only had some excerpts of the White Book and Step into Action (70 pages in all). Nor did we use AA literature at that time.

I am a member of SA Iran and have been sober for 17 years and 11 months. I want to share with you my experience of Step Eleven. Conscious contact with my Higher Power has helped me so much to stabilize and deepen my recovery.

When I joined SLAA in October 1994, there was no SA in Ireland. In February 1995, an SA member who was a friend of one of our members, came over from the USA and attended our SLAA meeting. I had not heard of SA yet. He told us about sponsoring, working the Steps, phone calls, check-ins, and fellowship after the meetings.

I heard this story recently at one of the many meetings I go to and I wanted to share it with the Essay readers:
A sexaholic is cruising the pavement, looking at triggers everywhere, and falls into a hole. He tries and tries to get out but can’t. He starts shouting. “Help me! Help me!”

There are, as we know, precisely twelve Steps; but there are countless recovery sayings—“Keep It Simple,” “One Day At A Time,” and “First Things First,” being just a few of the most popular slogans.

I joined the program in December 2014 and found my first sponsor from Ireland/USA through SAICO. Back then, he was based in Jordan and sober for 22 years. During my first call with him, he introduced the program and asked me to read the whole AA Big Book before working the Steps. I agreed and we ended the call.

The saying goes, “We’re as sick as our secrets.” I now also think that “We’re as sick as our stories.” My sponsor surprised me when we did our first Fifth Step by limiting my second column sharing to “ten words or less.” I was ready to explain the psychological nuances of everyone listed in my Fourth Step.

Fantasies in my life want to corrupt the real. They are not from God. They want to kill me. It’s the highest form of selfishness relating to my life during a 24-hour period. They are an enormous danger to my freedom. So I pray to God and beg him to give me the program actions during the day to live in the real world—not in fantasy.

No one as a child growing up ever thinks they might one day end up in jail or as a sexaholic. Yet, that’s what happened to me. I am a female sexaholic, sober since January 19, 2020.

Kathy describes in great detail what has been making her grow relationally for the last 12 years. She talks about her lifelong passion to have healthy relationships and the many answers she has found in SA.