My name is Marty. I am a very grateful child of God and a recovering sexaholic/alcoholic, two things about myself that it took years and a fall from grace for me to accept. I am writing this from my kitchen and, as I look out the door, I do not see any razor-wire fences – a view I had for 25 years because of my abuse of prepubescent girls as a Catholic priest.

Until about four years ago, I was living in a country in Africa with my wife. We had gone there to set up a humanitarian project to help widows, orphans and children. We’d been married for a bit over 38 years at that time. The stress of setting up a project from scratch, put an awful strain on our marriage.

The author lays out how he got involved as a sponsorship-by-mail coordinator, what it entails, and how many gifts he has received in return.

The thought rings in my mind, “Stop writing someone else’s story.” For so many years my addict controlled the story of my life. He told me to be afraid; that I was going to fail, so don’t even try. I so deeply believed my addict’s lies, that I wouldn’t dare to dream of who I am and what I wanted. I resorted to living a life for everyone else but me.

This January, our fellows in SA Exeter in the UK organized a Winter Convention held in their beautiful ancient city in the Southwest of England; it was a 3-day weekend of fellowship with sexaholics who came from all over the UK and Europe.

When I became the IGR of the Dutch Intergroup in 2018, I joined the regional (EMER) Correctional Facilities Committee because I realized I could have been arrested for many a column in the chronicle of my powerlessness and unmanageability. Soon, I offered my service as secretary. Thus moving “to the middle of the SA life raft” I met a lot of trusted servants from the US who were involved in the worldwide CFC service.

By the grace of my loving God I’ve been sober since May 5, 2013. My home group is the Monday night beginners group in Newcastle, Australia. Currently I’m a SA trustee and the current SACFC vice chair.

As early as 2009, fellows of the Belgian SA were involved in 12th Step work for sexaholics in prison. In the ‘early years’ some contacts were established with prison staff, chaplaincy and social workers.

My first sponsorship experience was prison sponsorship. I was skeptical about reaching out and sponsoring others, but my sponsor kept pushing me. “Carry the message. Carry the message. Carry the message.” He’d repeat that over and over and over.

We were the first ever SA program in a prison outside the USA. It started at the Newcastle Monday night beginners group Prison Subcommittee. A prison chaplain at Junee Correctional helped us start the first ever SA program in an Aussie prison.

For over twenty-seven years Ray S., aka “Tucson Ray,” was the genuine, formative force for SA prison ministry (SACFC). He wrote the sponsor-by-mail approach that is still in use, and started the prison meetings. He created the protocol for how to approach prison officials. Ray S. died June 17, 2018 at age 87. We are forever indebted to him for blazing the trail in SA service.

Incarceration can easily trigger guilt, shame, remorse, fear, loneliness, and negative feelings like anger and resentment towards oneself and others. Knowing how to handle such feelings, whether inside prison gates or on the outside, can free a person.

I was introduced to SA by another inmate. Initial contact from the SA sponsor team was very helpful. I am now working with my sponsor—brother and friend—who was assigned to me earlier this year. SA has changed my life. Since joining, I thank God both for SA and for those behind the scenes who, along with my Higher Power, are helping me stay sober.

My name is Jared and I’m a grateful, recovering sexaholic. I was arrested on the night of Dec 7, 2018. I plead guilty to inappropriate conduct with a minor and was sentenced to 32 1/2 years, 7 1/2 of which are fixed.

Twenty-five years ago, I was working as a procurement clerk and was made to give a tour to some clients to whom I had sent hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of proposals over the years. I had spoken with the salespeople by phone. I felt like I knew them.

In my faith tradition, we have the story of a wise man who was once asked, “What has God been doing since He created the world?” The wise man answered, “He is busy bringing people together.”

Dear Essay,
When I read the Oct issue about our old-timers, I thought of our founder Roy K.

Dear Essay readers,
Could Roy K. have imagined how Essay would look like when he wrote a letter to the fellowship in 1981? Gradually his letters turned into a newsletter containing sobriety insights and comments, as well as sharing from other SAs, and information on new groups, conventions, etc. Our 1990 book Recovery Continues contains twenty-four of Roy’s reflections from the early Essays.

Dear Essay, I am an incarcerated member due to my lust/pornography addiction, sober by the grace of God and SA since Dec 11, 2019. I have been very blessed to remain in contact with my SA sponsor allowing me to complete the Steps and start working on the Traditions. Many sexaholics in prison are not as blessed as I am.

The Essay has given this EMER Delegate the opportunity to read about others’ joys and victories, trials, and challenges—and also to throw in some of his own.